Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective because I feel stuck and honestly kind of drained.
My boyfriend is currently unemployed and has been struggling with cocaine use. He’s lied to me about it at least 5 times that I know of. Every time I bring it up, he denies it, downplays it, or gets angry and turns it back on me. And it turns into him being super sweet and saying he’s going to be honest going forward by the end of the conversation.
What’s messing with my head is that he also gives me a lot of hope. He’ll say he’s being honest now, that he wants to quit, and that he’ll tell me when he’s thinking about using which feels like him trying to get me off his back about it. I believe him… but then something feels off again.
I used to be able to tell when something was going on by checking bank slips or noticing spending patterns, and I’d end up being right. But now I feel like he’s just getting better at hiding it.
He also smokes weed constantly, and I recently found out (through his phone) that he owes his dealer over $600. That honestly scared me. He doesn’t have a job, and yet the spending and debt are still happening.
I’ve even been staying at his place to try to help him not use. My drive to work from there is about 40 minutes, so it’s not easy on me, and it still doesn’t seem to make a difference. He’ll use when I’m asleep anyway.
I feel like I’m constantly anxious, trying to piece together what’s real. I care about him a lot, but I’m exhausted and starting to feel resentful. I don’t know if I’m supporting him or just enabling him at this point.
Has anyone dealt with something like this? How do you handle the lying, the anger, and the broken promises? Is there any way to rebuild trust, or am I ignoring some pretty obvious red flags?
I’d really appreciate any advice.