u/HotFroyo6935

▲ 1 r/self

I'm a neurodivergent (ADHD, social anxiety, rejection dysphoria) med student at college. I'm a black sheep in that I'm from another country and like 10 years older than most of my cohort (33) though I don't look it. I am quite shy and keep to myself, although I have interests in ballet performing and jiu-jitsu. I make very infrequent posts on social media mostly about these interests and travelling.

In the first year at college, I met a lot of classmates who added me/I added on Instagram.

However, 4 years in, I have yet to make a single friend and I get the feeling either a lot of students dislike me or exclude me actively from groups at college. It's compounded due to social anxiety and rejection dysphoria (constantly feeling that people dislike me). People rarely ask me how I am doing, approach me to talk or want to hang out with me, so there is some truth in that though. I started to exclude and keep to myself in classes due to not wanting to make the effort anymore for nothing. I turn up, complete my work then quietly leave.

Whenever I put up my stories or posts - none of my university classmates like any of them - but I see many always watch my stories - even if they are unfriendly in person, don't integrate me in groups, or completely blank me IRL in class.

I feel uncomfortable giving access to them viewing my personal life. Also significant - the only people who ever like my posts or stories are the friends and people I met doing ballet and jiu jitsu - all outside university.

So, I decided to remove and block a lot of the university classmates of whom I'm in medical school with for the next three years.

The criteria I applied were 1) Do we talk and interact regularly IRL 2) have they interacted with any of my stuff and 3) Are they friendly IRL? Using that system, I removed all of my classmates at uni, except for 4. I blocked them, so they wouldn't see I unfollowed - just an Error message and they won't see my (public) profile at all.

Was this reasonable?

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u/HotFroyo6935 — 22 days ago

Recently moved up to intermediate classes at my gym.

5'10" 195 fast explosive and can hit and kick hard , but my gas tank is absolute shit. But I guess that's the tradeoff with that build. I'm no Nick Diaz. Got lots of TypeIIX fibres (like grandma who was a 100m dash athlete) making me extremely quick and powerful for about five minutes, then the lactic acid builds up and my power drops by like 60-75% and I'm moving around in slow motion like a zombie or punch drunk Rocky trying to keep hands up.

I'm a med student at college most of the time and sit at a desk 8 hours a day studying. Resting heart rate used to be 100 before I started training; it's 79 now. I try to go for a 20 minute walk every day. I train MMA kickboxing and BJJ 1hr/week each; so 3 hours training every week.

Tried to go for long runs (25 min) to get better but this didn't change things much. Also stupidly bulked up to 201lbs to look hench, before I realized I was getting too fat and my speed and footwork deteriorated. I got back down to 195 now in average person shape (not ripped).

Any tips to get better at my cardio? Drilling switch kicks for 20 minutes straight fucking nearly destroyed me Monday. I collapsed onto the floor after the session ended; along with my partner.

Oh and for an obligatory Tito Ortiz, my grandma was a champion sprinter, so my explosive power is in great shape.

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u/HotFroyo6935 — 23 days ago