I think I got triggered by a death scene in a book I was reading, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about, and crying about my dog for hours now. I lost him march 17.
He had gotten sick a few weeks before. I took him to the vet. They thought he might have pancreatitis, but it came back negative. But they sent me home with some meds.
About a week later I could tell he wasn’t getting better and I took him to the emergency vet. They did blood work and his kidney and liver values were off the charts. I had to drive him an hour and a half to a specialized er vet where he stayed for 3 days. Cost 11k!
They said most dogs don’t make it home. But that he was eating and he would be on a special diet. Sent me home with a ridiculous amount of meds. No idea what caused his values to be that way. He seemed like he might be ok at first.
Got his blood work done again. Not getting better. And then he just started eating less and less. Losing weight. And I knew I had to let him go. So we did an in home euthanasia.
I just feel like I’m slowly dying. This just sucks so much. It hurts so much. He was my companion, my shadow. Everywhere I look, I see empty memories now. Idk how I’m going to let him go and move past this. I’m traumatized and completely heart broken.
Edit - I think part of my problem is, I work from home. So it’s like I’m walking around a mausoleum now. I used to need silence to fall asleep at night. And now I can’t stand it because I can’t leave my mind to wander. I probably really need therapy. I just hate talking to strangers like that….