u/HotRefrigerator7732

I was four months pregnant, dealing with a highly difficult first trimester marked by constant all-day nausea, zero energy, gestational diabetes, a highly restricted diet, uncontrollable blood sugar levels, and severe food smell aversions, when my brother-in-law's engagement was set in a remote village. Although I was initially excited to attend, many people advised me the day before not to travel due to my health. When my husband informed his mother, she immediately shut down and accused me of abandoning her. She grew even more furious when my husband expressed a desire to stay back with me, scolding him for abandoning his brother, stating that my care was solely my own mother's responsibility, and essentially driving me out of her house to go to my mom's. Hoping to ease the tension because she understood my mother-in-law's plight, my mother suggested that I still try to go. I felt deeply torn; I did not want to jinx the occasion and genuinely wanted to attend, but I was also highly unsettled by my mother-in-law's hostile behavior. My mother-in-law had always been good to me in the past—perhaps a bit distant, but good—and she carried deep-seated trauma from my late father-in-law. In an effort to help and handle any necessary work at the venue, I begged my sister to go in my place. Despite being incredibly busy with her office work, she agreed to go purely because she loved me and knew my mother-in-law had historically been good to me. My sister herself is a conflict-averse people-pleaser, largely because her own mother-in-law is incredibly difficult and her husband is a codependent "mamma's boy." During the ceremony, my husband video-called me, and at one point, my mother-in-law saw me and openly scolded me for not being dressed up for the call, even though I was visibly unwell with unruly hair. I chose not to think much of it at the time. After the ceremony concluded—which did not even meet standard expectations—the bride's family openly criticized the gold bracelet my mother-in-law had gifted her for the engagement.

By that afternoon, I became incredibly hungry and craved specific street food. Because the local vendors did not offer delivery and I was too impatient to wait for a third-party service, I stepped out to get it myself since the shop was nearby. While I was walking back, a neighborhood street dog tried to bite me, completely unprovoked. Everyone knows I am deadly afraid of dogs and actively avoid them. Terrified, I began hyperventilating, rushed home, called my husband, and woke up my mother to explain what happened because I was in a state of panic and uncertain if the dog's teeth had punctured my skin. In the ensuing confusion, my husband relayed the news to my sister, who panicked. My brother-in-law overheard this and reported the situation in a highly sensationalized, exaggerated manner to my sleeping mother-in-law. She awoke furious. Unaware of her anger, I left for the hospital, where the doctor confirmed everything was fine, and I returned home to update my husband. Suddenly, my mother-in-law began shouting through the phone, making incredibly harsh, snide comments about my eating habits—an issue she had always judgmentally brought up in the past. Deeply offended, I requested an apology. She ignored me, but my husband heard her comments, took offense on my behalf, and complained to my sister. Consequently, my mother-in-law later refused to come see me. A day later, his family sent over some sweets, which I promptly sent back because we had not been informed beforehand and I was still profoundly upset by how my husband was handling the overall situation. Following this, my mother-in-law called my mother and began screaming at her over the phone. Driven by anger and a need to defend my mom, I took the phone and shouted back at her. In response, she severely insulted my mother, blaming her parenting for "bringing up a girl like this," and abruptly hung up. My mother cried intensely, and I was left completely heartbroken by both my mother-in-law and my husband. I felt completely betrayed because none of this was my fault, and I made up my mind to cut ties with both my mother-in-law and brother-in-law—a sense of betrayal I still carry heavily today.

The next day, my husband came to my mother's house and apologized to me, though he refused to speak to my mother. My mother, harboring no anger and wanting to protect my marriage, urged me to reconcile with him, which I did very reluctantly. However, my mother-in-law never apologized, nor did she invite my mother or my sister to the subsequent wedding; only my brother-in-law , husband came to extend an invite. Because my husband begged me and faced awkward questioning from extended family regarding my absence at other pre-wedding ceremonies, I chose to attend the wedding entirely alone. My mother firmly refused to attend, and while my sister did come out of support for me, my mother-in-law completely ignored her and did not even say hello after everything my sister had sacrificed for them. Later, my mother-in-law intentionally boycotted my baby shower because my mother did not formally invite her, yet she continues to play the victim in front of my husband. Now, I am seven months pregnant and living with my parents in Hyderabad because my job and family are here, making the final stretch of my pregnancy much easier to manage, while my husband currently works in Bangalore. My husband is now demanding that I move out of my mother's house and rent a separate residence because he claims he feels uncomfortable staying in another family's home, implying that this transition is inherently harder for men than it is for women. This double standard hurts deeply, considering the immense discomfort I endured while staying at his family's home. For instance, my brother-in-law is an incredibly toxic person who once caused a massive, humiliating argument over the smell in our shared bathroom during my menstrual period. To keep the peace because we didn't stay in Hyderabad often, I willingly gave up my bedroom's air conditioning to him, yet he still aggressively refused to vacate the room when we came to visit. He possesses severe temper issues; he once shattered the home Wi-Fi router and, in a fit of rage aimed at my husband, threw a remote control directly at me. He even stole a gold watch that I had personally gifted to my mother-in-law, and when I suggested he face consequences for the theft, both my mother-in-law and my husband silenced me, telling me that because it was a gift, I had no right to comment on it. Ironically, my brother-in-law's own marriage is now on the verge of collapse because he recently sold the gold chain and ring gifted to him by the bride's family just to fund a party for his friends, among various other issues. As I navigate my final trimester, my husband wants us to raise the baby in a separate apartment that I actually own—a living arrangement he adamantly refused to consider back when I was suffering through the worst of my timeline at his parents' house—simply because he refuses to stay at my mother's. I am highly anxious and do not know if I can safely or effectively manage a newborn by myself, even if I hire a full-time cook, maid, and nanny. My husband's job requires him to travel frequently to Bangalore, meaning I would be left completely alone. I cannot constantly pack up and move back to my mother's house every time he travels, which leaves me wondering what I would do with all the hired help, and I genuinely do not feel safe or comfortable being left alone in an apartment with hired strangers taking total care of my baby. My mother cannot realistically move in to help me because she is already entirely occupied looking after my sister's young son, who needs to be managed for school. Given all of these circumstances, I am left questioning if I am somehow being the asshole for prioritizing my safety and sanity.. Am I the asshole for putting my foot down and refusing to leave my mother's supportive environment?