My boyfriend (now fiancé) got a very unbalanced woman pregnant about 11.5 years ago. She was obsessed with him (like part of the twin flames cult level of obsession) and he broke up with her. She was enraged and tried to use the poor child to baby trap him. When that didn’t work, she decided she did not want him to be in his daughter’s life. He is not on the birth certificate and she refused child support when he offered it. He was fine with that, as he did not want children or to co parent with her. They also live 6 hours away at this point. He still saw her (daughter) during the holidays) and that was the extent of their relationship. He was barely involved in the child’s life until about 3 years ago.
Skip ahead to 4 months ago. We (my partner, his mom and I) found out that the mother had completely stopped caring for the now 10 year old little girl. as in, not taking her to school, not providing basic care, the house had no furniture and we think the mom and her boyfriend are on some kind of drugs based on what the daughter recently told us and how the mom comes across on social media. Okay well I guess that wasn’t very short.
He and I met 11 years ago and have had a good relationship over the last decade. In the beginning there was some cheating. We worked through it. Or so I thought. He cheated on me with the mother in the beginning of our relationship and then later I cheated on him. We have now worked through that. This was years ago but I think it is relevant. We have forgiven each other and I am in therapy. We are now happily engaged as of July 2025.
I have never wanted kids, but had a feeling we would end up caring for the his daughter at some point. Well, that time has come. She lives with us full time. It’s hard. It’s hard for her to understand what is going on, she is extremely traumatized and needs to be in therapy but the mom needs to allow it since she still has full custody. I’m not sure how it works but that’s what he and his mom tell me. It’s hard for my fiancé to balance his life and parenting, and I have no idea where I fit in to this mess. The daughter was totally emotionally neglected but spoiled with unneeded toys. She has had an iPhone since she was 4. She is addicted to TikTok and social media. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, just venting, or what. I found this community and can relate to many of the struggles that I see posted on here.
So hello to you all, I guess I am one of you now. It’s weird, I don’t understand my feelings and I’m just so tired. It’s good to know I’m not alone.