32M. Really frustrated with the dating environment like everyone else seems to be. I've pretty much lost hope at this point. I've never been in a serious relationship. Had one casual encounter when I was in college and that's the extent of my romantic experience.
I think I'm pretty aware of what my problems are and why I'm in this situation. When you've made it this long with no success its kind of hard not to figure it out along the way...
- Don't meet women in my day to day life - have worked in a hugely male dominated field for 90% of my career. I have never been in a position where there are women my age that I could meet through work.
- Don't have traits that work on the apps. Probably a 4/10 in terms of physical attractiveness. In good shape but bald, mid face, 5'9. Not good at coming up with a bunch of witty funny things to say when i do get a rare match.
I've been swiping on apps for probably 7 or 8 years now. I get a match maybe once every 2-3 months at this point. I've only been on 1 date and seemed like she wasn't feeling it and ghosted me a few days later.
Ultimately I think the issue is that I just don't have the "attraction traits" - I feel like I bring a lot to the table and could be a great partner. I'm caring, a very loving person, live a balanced life, am financially secure. I just want to find a mature person with similar values, start a family, and live life together.
I feel like I can't get in the door so to speak. Women don't select for long term partner qualities - you have to get over the hurdle of initial attraction THEN they will start considering longer term qualities, but if you aren't attractive, funny, a great conversationalist, you will never get to the point where anything else matters. I don't resent women for this - In fact I don't have any bitterness over my whole situation at all. I just see it matter of factly. I find it sad and wish things weren't this way, but I don't think anyone is to blame for it. This is just the way of the world.
I wish I could snap my fingers and become the type of person who can just live life alone, but I don't think that's possible for me. A family is just kind of a core part of what I envision as a life worth living and that being out of reach for me is a really hard pill to swallow.
I know I could get out more in real life and try to meet people, maybe I'll try to do this at some point in the near future. Not really sure how successful it would be. I feel like I'm the kind of person who would be most likely to find a relationship at work where people can get to know me over time and my ability to charm people right away and "make them feel a spark" is less of a limiting factor, but I just don't work in the kind of environment where that's a possibility.
Just feels pretty hopeless to me at this point. I know a lot of guys struggle with similar issues so hope you all are coping with it better than me.
Greek yogurt with blueberries and dark chocolate chunks.