The outrage people show when someone expresses a preference is so unnecessary.
Recently, I saw a post where a 5'1 woman said she prefers a husband around 6 feet. Some of the comments in response to that post were just extreme (someone even made another post about it, but very frankly it felt like ragebait). As if, it were unheard of for shorter women to marry taller men. In reality, this is quite common. I even remember reading studies where it was found that taller men and shorter women tend to prefer larger height differences, while taller women and shorter men prefer partners close to their own height.
Then there was another post where a South Asian man said he’s only attracted to Gulf Arabs, not his own race. Instead of answering his question, comment section went on a tirade about how he must be insecure about his own race since South Asians and Gulf Arabs look similar.
I agree that the two groups can look quite similar at times, and that some South Asians do struggle with internalised bias. But aside from his preference, nothing from the post or comment replies suggested that there was self hate involved. Maybe it was the case, maybe not there is just too limited evidence to come to any conclusion. We don't need to act like armchair psychologists and assign motives based on assumptions (that stem from zero real evidence). People can simply be attracted to a certain race.
You don't need to rationalise each person's preferences. You might not understand why someone wants a larger height difference or why some people are attracted to a particular race but not to another. But clearly people are attracted to what they are attracted to, and in their relationship that is going to be important.
Obviously, if something is posted online you can share your two cents and probably even advise someone regarding their preference. But that is completely different from mocking or shaming someone. Especially, if they have made no mention that they are struggling because of their preferences. Obviously, if their preference/standard is the reason why they are struggling, of course, to make their lives easier it is best to call it out.
But in any case, there is no reason to have a meltdown in the comment section because of someone else's standards.
Another thing we need to understand is that not everyone is operating from the same circumstances. Something you find unreasonable or limiting might not cause any issues for someone else, depending on their social connections, financial situation, or other factors. Also, not everyone wants a marriage bad enough.
And then so many people try to virtue signal and say that faith should be the only criterion. Faith and character are the most important. There is no doubt about that. But once that box is checked, other aspects such as family background, financial stability and attraction naturally plays a role in the decision making process.
The so-called "marriage crisis" isn't because of some people's preferences. It is much more likely due to the terrible economy and the fact that communities are much less connected than before. People without strong networks have always struggled more in the marriage process.