u/Hot_Improvement3468

I cut ties with my parents about two years ago, and I still wonder if I’m wrong or if that makes me a bad person. I’m a 33-year-old woman with a university degree, a good job, and I bought my house on my own. I have a lot of projects, and they’ve helped me move forward in life. I need solitude—I’m not very social, and it genuinely helps me feel balanced (ADHD/autism). I’ve always worked hard, and I’m proud of being independent and resourceful. I feel good about who I am, even if the road to get here has been rough. The main reason I cut ties is because my mother doesn’t respect my boundaries. I really started noticing it after I bought my house. She seems to need control, and since I no longer give her that—over my life, my choices, my decisions—she takes it badly. She calls me selfish and says I’m causing them a lot of pain. Growing up, my father was psychologically abusive toward both me and my mother. I didn’t realize it at the time—it felt normal to be put down, constantly corrected, pushed to work, and deprived of support. As an adult, he no longer treats me that way because I stand my ground now. But he still does it with my mother, and she’s now the one whose communication with me has become especially unhealthy. Their relationship is toxic. They constantly take jabs at each other, put each other down, and seem emotionally dependent. My father is very controlling and unkind. I believe at least one of them—especially my father—is narcissistic, and over time I’ve started to think my mother might be as well. Before I cut contact, just the thought of seeing them would trigger intense anxiety—trouble breathing, nausea, overwhelming stress, almost like PTSD. That’s why I no longer want a relationship with them. Recently, my mother insisted on knowing who I’m dating, even when it’s nothing serious, and makes me feel guilty if I don’t share details about my private life. She even invents extreme stories—like claiming someone was tortured because of their life choices. I get no joy from this relationship, and I don’t believe it can be fixed. When I try to talk about my feelings, she redirects everything back to herself. Recently, she told me she might be very ill. My honest reaction was that karma had caught up with her—and I felt nothing. I even question whether she’s telling the truth or just trying to make me feel guilty. I don’t ask them for help anymore. I did in the past—for example, with two moves (and I helped them with at least seven of theirs). They also lent me $2,500 when I bought my house, which I paid back. My aunt helped me much more financially. They’re offended that I don’t ask for help anymore. The truth is, when they come into my space, they judge it. Their homes are spotless, like magazines. Mine is lived-in—plants, animals, ongoing projects. Not always tidy, but comfortable. Their judgment hurts, and they constantly try to “fix” how I live. But I’m more at peace now than I ever was during the 17 years I lived with them. Even so, I still feel guilty. Thanks for reading. I’m open to honest opinions—criticism included—so I can reflect and continue healing from this relationship.