Should I stay or should I go (dundundundundundundundun)
I'm a 30-year-old male. I lived in Hawaii for eight years and before that in Montana for four. I went through some troubles in Hawaii with relationships and other things but was able to make a good life for myself where I had everything I needed. Things came to an emotional head when I was drinking snd using drugs socially but heavily and my mental state dereriorated. I went to treatment. Ended up back in Hawaii and then things in Hawaii didn't work out due to a really traumatic situation that was quite public. Somebody sent out some really egregious lies and a lot of people probably just don’t know what to think.. so I asked my father if I could move back with him for a little bit. And I packed up everything and came back to where I grew up. Upon arrival, I could tell things were a little tense, but thought everything would work out. Long story short, because of the dynamic between my father's girlfriend and him and I, it's not going the way I thought. My father doesn't seem to care about what's going on with me. When I try to connect with him casually, he has absolutely no interest in my inner life. It's all business/service-level things, which I can understand because he's a businessman, but it's just not who I am. His partner is a QAnon conspiracy theorist and just, I believe, brings out his worst impulses, it's not going how I thought it would as life rarely does. none of this is to say I don’t have a part, I shut down and get angry when things don’t go the way I think they’re going to with them. I love my father and I know he loves me in the way that he can. I guess there’s like a part of me that wants him to be different in specific ways and I know that’s not possible as we can’t change others and I wouldn’t want to even… and it’s just causing me some suffering, which I know he’s not trying to do.
Additionally, and I think most importantly, my financial situation is pretty screwed. This is my fault as I am the one responsible for spending all the money I had saved in sort of a manic all or nothing spree previously. I’m going to be moving into a different property in about a month, it’s one that my father owns. I worked with an individual with developmental disabilities and I love that work, but it’s not providing me the income I need, DoorDash isn’t worth it with the gas prices and my truck. And most of all I’m really just mentally struggling every day feels like a fucking battle, I’m thinking maybe I should go do a waiting job, but that’s a dangerous place for me with the drinking culture. I think most of all I just want a support system here which I thought I was going to have, but it looks like I’m gonna have to build it from the ground up. I have friends from Hawaii, and elsewhere, but I feel very alone. I know this sounds like a sob story, but I really have thought of things to try and do like oh maybe I’ll fix broken televisions or something like that. I was also going to the gym consistently, but I feel like I’ve lost all motivation for that. I guess the choice that I’m asking for help with is should I stay here move into this apartment and stay tethered to this situation that feels untenable with my father, or do I save up some money and just leave? I guess I could be normal and just say hey I’m leaving, but I don’t know I think the choices should I do anything???? also I have friends in various states that have offered there spaces to help me launch somewhere new
TLDR: should I stay in my current life or start a new one? There’s people I could stay with around the country.