Sorry i literally have no clue where to post this.
This might be a long post so i apologize in advance
english is also not my first language so excuse any grammatical error.
In december of 2025 i tripped on mushrooms for the first time. 2.5 grams of golden teachers, had the worst time ever for half the trip then the best time ever for half the trip.
i couldnt believe that i had gone my whole life not knowing this sort of experience existed. i was so amazed and insaned at how profound the experience actually was. i genuinely didnt understand how to proccess what i had just went through. it was all i could think about every day.
it wasnt long before i tripped again. maybe 3 weeks or so, and this time in nature on a hike.
around 1.5g but it still felt strong, again, UNBELIEVABLY profound, even on this low dose. but i was also starting to get scared. the fact that i wasnt able to process or understand these experiences. it was literally starting to take over my mind, i couldnt think about anything else besides mushrooms and those experiences, it didnt help when i saw posts like "i took 5 grams and watched a hilarious movie with my friends" How was anyone able to even take one gram and act like this is just getting high? ive done weed, cocaine, alcohol, codeine, plenty drugs and they are all fun but this wasnt a drug to me it was a completely unhumane experience.
i was so frightened by it but that also fasicanted me, i dont want to get into all the knowledge and wisdom i recieved on my trips, alot of it im grateful for, but this is where the story gets bad.
my most recent trip was probably around 7 weeks ago now. ONLY 2 grams, and it shattered my reality.
i took them with a friend ive never tripped with before, but i trusted him, hes done plenty of shrooms and acid before.
around an hour into the trip, all i was experiencing was terror and confusion, its not confusion i can explain. it was so scary i had no idea what was happening. all i could do was pace around confused, i didnt know who i was or where i was, but somehow i knew i was tripping and i was trying to tell myself it will be over and deep down i knew like this is just a trip. but i couldnt actually fathom that whatever i was experiencing was actually possible, reality had completely shattered on just 2 grams (side note, what the fuck would 7gs feel like? how do you guys do that)
towards the middle half of the trip, it actually took a slight turn for the better, my friend calmed me down and i was starting to enjoy myself alot actually, i felt amazing, all of a sudden i loved tripping again, but even with all this happiness deep down i felt danger, like this deep sense that something was wrong and permanently altered. i dont even bother explaining any of how my trips actually felt on this post because i believe it to be impossible, beyond words.
We came down, and watched a movie before going bed
to anyone who thinks mushrooms cant seriously harm your mental health, you are completely wrong.
I dont have it diagnosed, but ive been dealing with some form of severe trauma from this trip since, ive been seeing a therapist and he seems to agree.
the reality ive been existing in has been completely different. my brains way of processing is not the same (which i know is expected from a trip, but usually its positive) i only have experienced negative effects from this trip. A
Another reason i think its trauma, is because when i think of my other trips im fine, i love discussing them, but this one my brain seems to avoid any triggers that remind me of it, the other week i smoked weed at some girls house, and had a full blown fucking panic attack because it felt like i was back in the trip again. she was playing pink floyd (which we listened to on the trip) and i lost my shit man.
What the fuck is happening to me? ive dealt with depression and anxiety thats so bad, but ive never ever felt as hopeless as i do right now, i genuinely have no idea what the hell to do.
i dont want to get into all the ways ive changed but another one ill mention is.
anytime i think or see or say or hear ANYTHING, my brain analyzes that one thing then creates a million different things to think about that thing, i doubt that makes any sense
im so hyper aware, i cant even take an ibuprofen now without getting crippling anxiety about maybe going back into the trip again even though i logically know it wont happen.
I feel so alone, which out of all this, seems to be the scariest part.
has anyone ever experienced anything like this, am i fucked for life?
i feel like i still function normally, like im not running around like an insane person, but it sure feels like it in my head.
Before anyone mentions it, i have serious personal issues with stuff like anti depressants, anti anxiety, anti psychotics. the absolute last case scenario is for me to seek out to be put on those. i would literally take any other fucking path to fix myself, no way in hell im living my life on those.
i guess this post is genuinely just a cry for some sort of reassurance or explanation to this.
also i feel this is worth mentioning, ever since that trip ive spiraled so far down the spirituality rabit hole, and honestly i dont want any of the fucking knowledge ive gotten, if i could live in peace as the happy dumbass i would.
i hated even writing this post because i have to confront everything thats happening, but i cant keep running from it.
Thanks if anyone read.