u/Hot_Raspberry_7873

I’m 19F and honestly I need advice because I feel really stuck.

I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend, and I care about him a lot, but our relationship has become really emotionally exhausting. We fight basically every day, and a lot of the time I feel like I’m carrying the emotional weight of everything. He can be really dependent on me, and if I don’t do something he wants, it turns into “well I did this for you” type guilt.

The confusing part is that we took a break before, and during that time I realized I really missed him and wanted to be with him, so this isn’t a simple “I hate my boyfriend” situation. I do love him. He helped me through one of the hardest periods of my life.

But some things have happened that really bother me. One time I was having a panic attack, and I’ve told him before what helps me (I have a box of comfort items I use to calm down), but instead of helping, he put his hand over my mouth because I was breathing loudly. Writing that out makes me realize how bad that sounds.

My close friends and family really don’t like how he treats me and think I should create distance. The problem is I’m scared of being alone. I’ve struggled mentally before, and part of me worries that if we take space over the summer, I’ll spiral into a really dark place because I’ve become emotionally attached to having him there.

I don’t want to be dependent on him, and I don’t want him to be dependent on me either. I want a healthy relationship, not one built on fear of loneliness.

Has anyone been in a relationship where you loved the person but knew the dynamic wasn’t healthy? How did you tell the difference between “this needs work” and “this relationship is hurting me”? Also, if you’ve had issues with emotional dependency, what actually helped?

Okay, so I am 19 years old, as you probably know. Um, I have a cat named KitKat, and I don't think that's really relevant to the story, but I just wanted to share it. Um, anyways, I really, I'm in a relationship with this boy named Henry, who has the same name as my brother, but my mom and my best friends both don't like him because he's really reliant on me. He's very dependent, right? And I'm always having to do stuff for him, and I get into fights with him daily. And I don't think that's really healthy for both of us. And he starts getting petty and like saying, oh, but I did this for you, and you do this for me. But we took a break for a while, and I found that I really wanted to be with him. And I'm afraid that if I take a break from him again during the summertime when he's not here, I'll become very lonely and suicidal, which I don't want because he helped me through a really tough time. I really want to be able to go through things without him. I don't want to be reliant on him, and I don't want him to be reliant on me. I think that a break will be good, but also I don't want a break to be the only thing that becomes between us. And I have a cat named KitKat who is my ESA animal that is very important to me and everyone else in my relationships. Um, my friends Adelina and Finley, just tonight, only, told me that me and Henry shouldn't, like, be super close together because of how he treats me. Like, one time I was having a panic attack and he put my, he put his hand over my mouth, which is super not cool, and he told Finley, yeah, I just put her hand, my hand over her mouth because she was breathing too loud. Which is so totally not cool whenever I'm having a panic attack. Like, you know that when I'm, I told him when I have a panic attack, I need my box, which is a box full of items that sometimes I need when I'm having a panic moment. And whenever he doesn't give that to me, he just, like, low-key covered my mouth, and which is not cool, right? So, yeah, I wanna confess that story without having it to be super AI. i’m drunk btw