I am generally comfortable with myself until I am reminded of the limitations of my body. I am not interested in phalloplasty at all, I've thought about meta, but I just feel shitty about my dick sometimes and shitty about the idea of surgery. It even frustrates me to not have accurate language to talk about it; bottom growth actually pisses me off as a term because it sounds like you're reffering to a tumor. T-dick is weird because it's like an invalidating reminder that I'm not really a man, and just saying dick is straight up innacurate. Not only innacurate to call it that but to try and utilize it the same way, a lesson I keep learning with lots of soiled pairs of boxers in the bathroom floor. It's embarrassing and, really frustrating especially in public places but I keep feeling like if I keep trying I'll get better at peeing standing up.
Sex is a whole other issue, where even though I am usually always comfortable in the bedroom and able to put on a very macho and commanding performance I leave the next day feeling like something is wrong, like something is off and like all of my worst insecurites are true. Sex leaves me feeling sort of disappointed and like something is missing. I wish I didn't have to feel so complicated all the time.