Context: Her (28f) and I (21m) have been together about a year and have just been pushed out of a friend group together recently. We were distancing ourselves from a particular few people because of their shameless and often poor decisions. They were the type of people to do drugs everyday and have ERP (on vr chat)sex in front of the friend group without a second thought.
This one person, let’s call him Anthony, was particularly bad. He started down a rough path the instance he turned 18 while people outbound him would encourage the poor behaviour. Long story short, Anthony is a bit of a loser and is weird to be around.
Fast forward to a couple days ago, i was doing homework in a call with my partner were in a discord chat when she made a joke about ERPing for money, saying she thinks she could make a living off it. I said to her “Don’t say that, you sound like Anthony.”. She asked for me to take it back, which I said no, leading to her kicking me out of the phone call and hopping off for the evening without notice or explanation.
Before she went to bed, she asked if we were not gonna talk the rest of the day, leading to when I brought up that I was upset about her kicking me from the call, she said that she was upset about the “rude comment I made” .
I apologized after she brought up why she was upset. She met me with an “ok”, code for “she’s pissed”. I said that we would talk the following day, when she unloads on me. Accusing me that I wasn’t doing homework the whole time, I explain that I was super busy and that I wasn’t going to argue when I had work to do.
She started saying that I was making up what I said, that because I chose to do my important work over arguing, I’m petty. She said that “my willingness to not speak over petty shit NEVER ceases to amaze” her.
She closed the conversation by telling me not to expect to hear from her until next week when we meet in person for the first time, at a place half way across the country. She said that that time is plenty long enough to deal with the homework I’m *soooooo* backed up on.
Frankly I don’t want to be the one to apologise because I feel like her crash out wasn’t fair to me at all. I think it’s pretty justified to ask my partner not to say something because of the connotations of her words. I also think it’s worth mentioning that I’m always the one to swallow my pride, pour my heart out, and apologise, just to get a single sentence apology in return time after time. It seems like if she does something to piss me off, she finds a reason to flip it on me.
I’m just super lost and I don’t know what to do. I love her so much but these arguments take such a toll on me.