Do not read if you get triggered easily
my fears are real. yes, i deal with everything that pops up on this subreddit. i get all the intrusive imagery, comulsions, spikes, freak outs, everything. But there’s more. before ocd i watched. a lot of porn that was about trans content and occasional gay porn. i even went on threads occasionally for questions about masturbation and the stuff the guys were saying aroused me. i even put stuff up my butt like cucumbers and recorded myself masturbating and watched myself in the mirror and got off to it. i wouldn’t really question orientation because people would say it’s just porn. but it still messed me up because it was probably the most arousal i’ve ever felt. i just came across a thread that says a guy would record himself riding a. dildo and i found that super arousing and it made me wanna masturbate. i wanted to go back and read the thread again. i got an intrusive thought of me doing something with him and im pretty i liked it or atleast got aroused to it. i wanted in that moment to say i was bisexual because what gay stuff is taboo to me and can get me off. i’m not the same as other so-ocd people. even before OCD when i was identifying as straight, trans girls made me uncomfortable, so did dildos, and gay guys. and i did question orientation before ocd because of the stuff i said but i decided no at the time. this is not just ocd. i get aroused to gay content. I am the exception. what do you guys think?