u/Hour-Definition-410

Someone close to the family just passed, not related by blood nor even by faith but so much closer than the closest blood tie. It just has me thinking. Yes I know death is part of life, but it seems so much closer now. There have just been so many in the last few years.

Having someone pass when you're a child is different, you don't understand and those around you soften the blow. As you grow older you get a rude awakening as the constants in your life slowly wither, weaken and leave.

And you just sit and watch till you're the one having to soften the blow and you find yourself increasingly alone. Being a guy people expect you to be stoic showing emotion just gets you disgust instead of pity

And now what with being queer and the way the world is one doesn't see a future where you have to be strong for the little ones coming on ahead. I guess this is the real coming of age ritual when you stop being the one comforted and become the comforter. There is an honour in that to be a pillar of support but you just feel like somewhere you stop recognising yourself and you're not the big strong adult but the same frightened little child but no one's there to hush you and tell you it'll be alright.

Thats all I guess. I just feel lost

Its like, the changing of the guards but instead of being fresh troops ready for battle you're just as weak and battered as those you're relieving.

For starters get help if you need it, there are resources and there are organisations that do it for free. Stop fricking projecting your issues on to other people. Whether you're looking for friends or looking for an so, FIX YOUR SHIT FIRST

And if you have issues learn how to communicate, if someone is learning how to navigate with you help them learn. If someone takes time out of their life and shows up for you, help them understand you better. They can't read your mind and they cant analyse your body language all the time it isn't humanly possible. If you consider a person your friend and they have clearly shown that they give a damn about you and your opinions TALK TO THEM. If you feel your boundaries are being disrespected TALK TO THEM BEFORE IT FUCKS SHIT UP DONT KEEP IT TO YOURSELF THAT IS WHAT FUCKS UP THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH THAT PERSON

Sit them down and assert yourself without disrespecting them. Assertion does not mean shitting on the other person

HINTS DONT WORK BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND YOUR ISSUES. The other person cant always pick up on them ( that is if they even are noticeable) and when they dont you resent them for it COMMUNICATE

AND IF YOU WANT TO ASSERT BOUNDARIES THEN RESPECT THEIRS AS WELL. IF THEY SHOW UP FOR YOU SHOW UP FOR THEM. YOU CANNOT EXPECT SOMEONE TO BEND OVER BACKWARDS FOR YOU AND NOT GIVE THEM SHIT IN RETURN