Gay in closet
So I am 20yo live with my parents still have one year of studies and military that is mandatory I am still in the closet because I am scared because I learn that because I like guys is bad and even though I dont believe it anymore my body resist to this I never have a teen relationship or even s3x I done smt at 20 like some month ago with a guy that my friend knew and make the connection but didnt work out because of the age difference. I am not the type of guy that crave many relationships situationship or smt ,I want just a guy to be in love and he loved me I dont want to try with everyone I know its stupid but I want a love kinda like movies without the much drama or the epic meet I want to just someone to be in loved with me , my problem are that I still live with parents(cant do much I study and work but money is tight to move out) I might have some childhood trauma that doesn't leave me to be easy on my self and try tk meet guys and I am not the guy that stand out or go out every night I domt like night life I like to drink but not in a club stack in middle of the crowed even though I tried once not guy not even a girl didnt come to talk to me, I dont feel ugly also after some drinks I was more extrovert but still I could not leave my self and say fuck it let's go to talk .
Idk if I can you an image of my life but ye..
My question is:
How people with that type of problem/trauma deal with it and find someone ?
Oh also I am scared to try anything from apps tell me do I make a big deal or apps is kinda dangerous ?
I write first time and idk feel open to reach me on dm if you want