u/HourYogurtcloset204

Im shaking so bad my sister told me earlier that she threw away the loaf of bread that was in the kitchen this afternoon because it had some mold on it and i ate two pieces this morning for breakfast before that but i inspect bread every time i eat it and i didnt see any mold but apparently it can still be bad if its in the same packet

And now i have stomach pain and im literally panicking so bad that ive poisoned myself and im shaking i dont know what to do

Edit: i was fine!! The bread didn’t make me sick. I’m still awake again panicking though but about an entirely different thing. But I con confidently say the bread wasnt an issue past my panic about it. And as fr the stomach pain i was feeling im 99% sure that was related to my period

im literally so tired my eyes are shutting but i cant sleep every time i lay down i feel sick. but when i sit up im fine again. bro im not sleeping sat up. i can never sleep because of this phobia its so bad i struggle either falling asleep or i fall asleep then wake up in the night and panic more i hate this

ive woken up in the night and im panicking so hard about it happening, no one i know is ill so i havent made any contact that i know about and i wash my hands obsessively all the time and im so scared someone please help comfort me or just talk me through this and help me calm down as i know that reassurance isnt allowed but anything will help me please someone

i broke up with him in september of 2025 and we were both 16 then, it ended over a few things; a lot of disagreements over opinions on peoples rights / political things, not having time to see each other, and i personally felt unhappy because of other situations which i’ll go more into

we became good friends in december 2024 and started talking in february 25, then becoming official in april 25. i didnt really notice anything wrong until june 25 when we would be having normal conversations and small things id say would make him extremely upset, which is fair enough but his friends could say the exact same things if not worse to him and he wouldnt say a thing to them and suddenly when i did it it was a big issue and i would end up having to talk him out of s/h multiple times in these situations. there was also a time when we were planning to go somewhere and i said i would have to ask my parents before going out so i couldnt make a solid plan yet and he thought that i was completely rejecting him and threatened to kill himself. i debated leaving around this time but decided against it because i was scared about the state of his mental health and if he would do anything if i left as i didnt want to be a cause of it

between july-august we were okay, didnt argue much until he began to talk about his antisemitism and transphobia very proudly and started showing support for right wing influencers (which was a switch from him previously not being political at all) this caused a lot of arguments as i didnt agree with his views.

in september we both started college (uk) and went to different places so didnt see each other as much. late september i decided to break up with him as i didnt want to be associated with his beliefs, didnt have the time, felt like i was mothering him at times and started to realise that the reasons i was staying was to make him feel better rather than doing what was right for me because i was afraid of him doing something. the night i broke up with him, a few hours later i got a message from his brother asking if i knew where he was, he had left the house saying he was going to the shop three hours ago and not come home and this sent me into a panic hearing how worried his brother was and thinking id made him attempt suicide because none of his family could find him. i felt so guilty and apologised incessantly to his brother but he eventually came home and didnt do anything to himself.

the whole situation has more to it which im not going to share because its personal and not really appropriate in my opinion to share (if you get what i mean) but overall i feel like his behaviour was somewhat manipulative because i felt like i needed to stay for him to literally not die. this all makes me so angry now because i feel like a fool for staying so long with someone who was so happy to disrespect me like that. i havent been in a relationship since- the month after ending things with my ex i began talking to someone else and he was a nice person but was very lovebombing and i recognised it immediately, and talked very badly of his exes’s appearances but once you asked what they did to hurt him it was silence which made me think he wasnt very good to other people in the past. i also knew i wasnt ready for another relationship and only said yes to getting to know him because he approached me and i didnt want to seem rude (im getting better at not people pleasing now i promise)

im over my ex dont take this post as me reminiscing lmao the whole situation just makes me very angry that he was able to get away with a lot of what he did. he was a strange boy lmao