I don’t feel like I can move on (ten years later).
Hi all. From ages 14-18 I was involved with a man 8 years my senior. I have since realized this for what it was (grooming, predatory behavior), but while it was happening I was genuinely convinced that we were in love. He ghosted me shortly before my 18th birthday, about 10 years ago. For a few years he would message me and I would block him, this stopped when he went to prison for around 5 years - this was for domestic assault, coercion of a witness, and some similar charges. That all tracked for me, I had known him to be very physically and emotionally abusive to his adult partners and eventually was to me as well toward the end. He held a knife to my throat on multiple occasions, choked me to unconsciousness, etc. He was released from prison in December 2025 and apparently searched for me online but didn’t find me, then started messaging mutuals. I confronted him and blocked him. I’m truly not afraid of him anymore, it seems like prison actually broke him in ways he needed breaking and I don’t believe he’s capable of the same things he was when I knew him.
I guess I’m just posting looking for solidarity or advice. I have friends I can talk to about these things, but none who have experienced something like this. I have not been to therapy for it. I have been happily in a relationship with my now husband for most of the past 10 years. As my brain has matured I am disgusted by my groomer as a person. I have a degree in psychology and have of course psychoanalyzed myself to death. But even with these things, it feels like he still has a significant presence in my life. I find myself thinking about traumatic instances between us often still, I have nightmares to this day that he is controlling me or following me. I know that this isn’t true, but at times it feels like there is some psychic connection. I’ve even joked to friends that he must be into witchcraft or something and is sending shit my way.
Does this go away? I feel like it has gotten somewhat better over the years until he tries to get in contact with me again, then it starts back up. Has anyone had luck with getting out from under similar situations? Should I take up witchcraft and fight back?
Thanks for reading, wish you all happiness and peace.