My (34) boyfriend (31) and I have been going through a time for longer than I’m proud of. He also has ADHD but it is well managed with medication. I have been a mess as of late, and have PMDD, depression, anxiety, C-PTSD and iron and vitamin D deficiencies. Obviously, having so many things going on takes its toll, but I’m at my breaking point in this relationship.
He is constantly complaining about small things, losing objects, can’t cook worth a damn, and I help him out a lot with managing his emotions and with practical things, like taking care of the house and food (he’s 0.8FT work and FT masters student). But when it comes to helping me, he’s like a ghost. i asked him for help in making a decision yesterday on something minor (which cat tree to purchase, I had a bunch picked out and have looked on and off for weeks), and rather help me with the decision, he refused and said he wants to know “how far I will take it (the lack of decision).”
We had an argument later about a misunderstanding and he stormed off saying I’m “depressing to be around and argumentative.” I was telling him my perspective on something and he talked down about it. He stormed off before I could explain myself and it just feels like he treats me with animosity.
At this point, I feel like I need to cut my losses. It feels like he weaponizes my ADHD while I help him with his traits with love and care. I’m not perfect and have plenty of issues, primarily with dyresgulation, but what gives? I don’t want to give up on the relationship, but at this point we are both hurt and not feeling heard (which may be why we both seem argumentative or defensive to the other). What do I do? I have tried books, Gottman videos and have suggested therapy, but he tells me he’s too busy. I am in individual therapy and medicated although my meds haven’t been working that well lately (Adderall). any time I tell him something, he thinks I’m trying to teach him a lesson or talk down to him. it’s just impossible and there is no accountability on his end. I feel so hurt and it’s only been happening more and more often.