u/Humble-Leopard3865

i’m a freshman in college and i got diagnosed with bp2 earlier this year. i can say pretty confidently this has been the worst year of my life. im so tired. i dont know what im doing, and im having to re learn a bunch of things i used to be able to do. I had previously been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, so i was hoping things would get better when i finally made it out of high school, but i should’ve just ended it like i planned. i hate having to take so many medications every day, and when i miss one all hell breaks loose.
im so alone. my friends have started treating me strange because of an incident where they saw me in an episode and got scared. now they refuse to have a real conversation about it. every time i ask them to talk about it they say it’s fine and nothing is wrong but i can tell. i feel so alone.

i’m a freshman in college and i got diagnosed with bp2 a few months ago. i’m miserable. i feel like my life has been ruined. usually i’m a very mature person and i’ve never lost control of my emotions the way i do now. being mature and finishing work and doing well in school and not asking for help is what has been expected of me my whole life because of the school i went to. i was living a grey life before my diagnosis but it was a life i knew how to handle.

i already had anxiety, depression and adhd before i had my breakthrough episode. now i don’t know what to do. i struggled with self hard my whole life but i can’t control my emotions or my actions sometimes and i keep hurting myself during these episodes and i can’t stop. i feel like a child. my friends told me i could always talk to the about my problems and i trusted them. i’ve had public safety called on me a few times now and every time it has been horrible. they almost took me to the hospital against my will once. when they come, sometimes i am able to hit myself hard enough to lock in and act normal so that they’ll leave, but when they do i break down because of how scared i am.

yesterday i needed help so i asked my friend to talk so i wouldn’t be along because she said i could always talk to her but i was having an episode where i felt like my body was shutting down and she got scared and told my other friend to call public safety. i got them to leave but when i went to find my friends they were giggling and laughing watching reality tv together like they didn’t almost ruin my life. i had wanted to tell them i was sorry for worrying them but they started telling me it was fine, they “had younger siblings and had to deal with mess before” and i felt sick. like did they think i was acting like a child? they didn’t even apologize. i’m so angry. and then they went out and partied without me. i feel disgusting and ashamed and alone. i know they were scared and trying to help and im not upset about that but hurt that they just don’t even care wha they did to me.