I saw the red flags already, but why can’t I leave?
Problem/Goal:
I (23F) met this guy (26M) on Facebook Dating last March 5. At first, I honestly didn’t expect anything serious from the app. I thought it would just be another random conversation that would eventually fade away. But surprisingly, we clicked immediately.
We started talking every single day. Our humor matched, our conversations flowed naturally, and he actually listened whenever I ranted about life. By our second date on March 9, he told me he wanted to court me seriously. I said yes because why not? He seemed sincere, mature, and emotionally intelligent.
During the first few months, he was consistent. He would check on me, comfort me when I was stressed, and make me feel understood. He even accompanied me to my province and met my parents. That meant a lot to me because I don’t introduce people to my family unless I genuinely see potential in them.
So naturally, I thought everything was going well.
Then life happened.
A few months later, I got pregnant. Honestly, it was one of the hardest moments of my life. We both panicked because we’re still young and not financially or emotionally ready to become parents. After a lot of crying, overthinking, and difficult conversations, we mutually decided to go through medical abortion.
That experience changed me so much.
To be fair, he stayed during that time. He was there physically and emotionally whenever I broke down. But even before that happened, there was already one issue I kept trying to ignore: his lack of communication.
He works graveyard shifts, so I kept understanding him. He sleeps during the day while I’m awake in the morning, so our schedules are opposite. But sometimes he would disappear for hours without updates, reply late, or make me feel like I was the only one trying to keep the connection alive. Every time I opened up about it, I’d just convince myself to understand him more because “he’s tired,” “he’s working,” or “maybe I’m just asking for too much.”
Until last night.
We had an argument over a misunderstanding — something that honestly could’ve been fixed with proper communication. The problem is, even when he’s clearly at fault, I always end up being the one begging for clarity and emotional reassurance.
I sent him a long message explaining how hurt and disappointed I felt. Not because of the mistake alone, but because of how emotionally unavailable he becomes whenever there’s conflict. After everything I said, all I got was a dry “sorry.”
That was it.
No explanation. No reassurance. No effort to understand why I was hurt.
When I asked him why he couldn’t even explain himself properly, he said he was depressed that day and didn’t know what to say. And until now, he still hasn’t replied.
And honestly? I don’t know what to do anymore.
I already see the red flags. The inconsistency. The emotional distance. The lack of communication whenever things get hard. But at the same time, I feel deeply attached to him because we already went through something so heavy together. We were almost parents. Part of me feels like no one else will ever understand that part of my life except him.
I know love alone isn’t enough. I know attachment can make people stay longer than they should. But why is it so hard to walk away even when you already know you’re getting hurt?
Am I asking for too much by wanting communication and emotional accountability? Or am I just holding onto the version of him from the beginning?
I really need advice.