Struggling with a tariqat
I am in my second. First one was straight off not a real one. The entire organisation also got banned and the people got arrested. I joined a second one through my family. I dont doubt the Sheikh at all but the tariqat is living through its community and I am struggling with that. I stopped visiting the tekke because of racist comments. But I still met people from the tariqat here and there and the backbiting, saying n word, just bad out manipulative way of communicating got to me so much that I am disgusted with everything that could be associated with them. I literally can't wear perfume that smells like them for example. In my head it's just not compatible how you can be Sufi and ignorant with your words. I am just so confused. Like in one hand I only should worry about my relationship to my Sheikh on the other hand I am 10 years in this tariqat and have seen barely anyone careful with their words. Maybe I am just so careful-with-your-tongue focused because I was a sensitive kid who got hurt by words too much. It just hurts to be around them, to be shamed how incomplete your modest clothes are. Literally straight up bullying. Anyone else struggling with the community within a tariqat?