Discipleship or Manipulation
I just want to ask for advice and clarification. Please don’t bash me, I’m genuinely confused and trying to understand if what I experienced is normal Christian discipleship or if it’s already manipulation/control.
I was recruited by a pastor who said I would work inside their ministry as a VA because that was their work every night. I was also told I would undergo discipleship, and I accepted because I wanted to grow spiritually.
During my first month, they treated me really well. We had Bible studies every night, discipleship classes every Sunday, worship services, and memory verses. At first, it felt like a healthy Christian environment.
Since I wasn’t very skilled yet in VA work, the pastor offered me a role as his assistant for experience. I accepted. But eventually, I realized I wasn’t just assisting anymore — I was basically the one doing most of his admin work every night, around 12-hour shifts, while only receiving 12k pesos monthly. Meanwhile, the pastor earns 6 digits from the same work that I was mostly handling.
As time passed, the pastor, senior pastor, and deacons would constantly tell us how to manage our money. I understood that part because maybe it was related to discipleship. But what bothered me was whenever we had concerns or emotional struggles, they wouldn’t really address them properly. Instead, they would just quote Bible verses, get angry at us, or say we were not obeying what they told us to do.
Another thing is they made tithing feel mandatory. But from what I understand in the Bible, giving should be cheerful and voluntary, not forced.
Since we stayed inside the ministry, even going home during our rest day became an issue. If we wanted to visit our families, they would question us and ask why, unless it was an emergency.
Some of the youth members were also pushed into VA work mainly “for the sake of tithes.” One youth was already extremely tired and sleepy, but they still wouldn’t let him sleep.
I’m honestly confused now. Is this still biblical discipleship, or is this already manipulation and controlling behavior?
I still believe in God and Christianity, but some things I experienced inside this ministry don’t feel right anymore. I just want honest advice and perspective from other Christians or people who may have gone through something similar.