Sometines, compromising feels like feeling unseen, unheard, and misunderstood.
Problem/Goal: It feels like compromising feels like feeling unseen, unheard, and misunderstood. I try to be understandable, gentle, especially in tines when I'm the one hurting.
Context: My BF and I had a fight. We used to have a fight for variois reasons to the point of almost breaking up, but I proposed that we are still trying to know each other, ans certain problems/issues arise, and I just want a mature talk about it. I don't like fights, I think its unnecessary. Besides, he is sensitive and I always try to use the right words.
Recently, we had a fight about thing I wouldnt mention anymore. It's not third party, its not a deal-breaker fight. I can say that I was in the wrong, I hurt his feelings, but the things is, its unintentional. I tried to explain in so many ways and even send messages that I thought would make him feel at ease, pero instead, he's still being aggressive. It's like no words would make him feel better, and it makes him more aggressive.
I would send message reassuring messages that I would go to therapy, because I honestly think theres something wrong with me clinically. How he would respond and use his words parang hindi niya ako girlfriend. I cant even make him soften up. I know what I said hurt him, but I tried to explain na he misunderstood it, and refer to it as "slips of the tongue," but I explain to it na it's more figurative. So ang tendency, hindi niya inaacknowledge explanation ko so he can be "less mad" or "less aggressive," mas nagiging aggressive pa siya and wouldn't listen. Sinasabi niya ako ng mga bagay na hindi ko masabi sakanya. I just hope he would lessen using profanities directed at me.
Madami pang cases where I feel like my side aren't acknowledged. He is it as "excuses" so he chooses not to listen. I viewed a much different approach. I was hoping for "I understand you, you understand me, how would we compromise?" But it doesnt work like that to him.
There are also times na I hope I can be weak to him, I can be a girl with rapid emotions, not walking on eggshells kasi he cant handle emotions and he's sensitive. I always try to be the big guy.
Solution: He asked for some space, i don't know for how long. But I am in the edge of just ending it all.Syempre di na lara sabihin yun. He knows my situation naman eh, if he chose being like this, then he wont be able to control or act right away when I get ideas.
EDIT: i noticed that he is a selectively reading negative parts of my text. Example, instead na isipin niya "okay ganun naman pala nararamdaman niya at that time." He would instead say "Kasalanan mo na yun.."
I tried to explain it na at that time na na-drop k yung word, i was going through a mental and emotional dilemma, pero wala ayaw nya makinig.