Just wondering what everyone’s general routine is when it’s back to school time?
How much time do your kids need to get ready in the morning? What’s your biggest struggle and what has helped in any way to make it smoother?
I guess I’m looking for advice on how to deal with lying and maybe how to channel that quick thinking into a healthier way?
My son is sooo quick to make absolutely nonsense up that it’s almost scary. It is usually a situation if it’s him trying to not being in trouble but other times it’s just like he’s trying to fit in and be a know it all.
He will out of nowhere come into another room or butt into other people’s conversations with random “facts” but they’re just stuff he’s come up with in his head and could give an hour long discussion on what he’s saying and probably fight you to the death if you challenged it.
Usually it’s just petty and he’s running his mouth to run it and we can just let it go and that’s that but it can get exhausting and it has hindered a lot of relationships with friends for him sadly.
For example… He will out of nowhere start making up a story about when his school building was built and did you know there used to be five of them at a time and they had a rule there were only 50 kids allowed in it at a time just a couple years ago. None of that is true.
A couple of his friends might be discussing something that happened at their baseball game the night before and will start arguing what really happened was… and he wasn’t even there! Didn’t even know there was a game, knew nothing about it.
The building where the kids catch the bus during school days had caught on fire briefly and he was up there arguing with the owner’s son about what happened and until we even got up there he didn’t even know an incident had happened. And what he was going off about wasn’t even remotely close to the situation that had occurred.
He drives his sister bonkers because he loves to go stand in the doorway of her room and start in on stuff she likes… so he will take a game she plays and start in going did you know the real creator of this game is so and so… and they aren’t did you know the official release date for the next game was announced and it’s not for a whole eight more years… this isn’t a thing.
Up until a couple years ago Walmart banned carrots! You could get any other veggie but carrots you couldn’t, this is because the owners were allergic, so all the stores worldwide just couldn’t sell carrots.
Like… What are we doing here bud.
If it’s him trying to just get out of trouble it is especially annoying how quick he is with it.
I went to remind him he needed to do some of his study material for a hunting course he asked to do because his testing date is upcoming. His angry response not but a couple seconds later was he can’t because the tab on his laptop closed and it’s a one time use so he can’t ever go back to it.
Not a thing and is something he knows because he’s gotten off and on there dozens of times.
I explain how he can get back into though, he can look up the website or go into his emails for the direct link. I don’t even finish what I’m saying and he’s telling me the website is gone, it’s down, it’s not there anymore. It’s been removed, he’s checked.
It’s there.
He also can’t use his email because if he goes on his phone and logs in it’s there but if he goes into that same account on his laptop then he doesn’t have the same messages.
Okay, let’s log in and see what’s going on then mmmk. So we get to his email and lo and behold there’s the email. But of course he starts going on about well it wasn’t earlier and he was real confused about that.
Cool. You can now get the email, click the link and go…
But he can’t because he doesn’t know his password and you only get one password and it has no way of doing a forgot password set up. He’s automatically logged in as soon as we click the link but even if you go to the sign in, whoops, there’s the forgot username/password bits.
These type of interactions usually are harder for me because I feel like it escalates unless I just talk away because his brain is on “go” and we have to try and attempt to come back later.
I feel like it’s so smart and creative how he could probably hold a class discussing some made up type of fish or wildly tell a tale of how some random YouTuber got kidnapped and how that played out or whatever but it’s all also concerning on the other hand.
My son is 14, combined adhd, medicated while his sister 10 does not have adhd and they could not be more opposite of one another and he’s really been struggling with that lately. It is always when he’s gotten in trouble over something that she never does or if she’s getting something and he’s and then he starts accusing me and his dad of favoriting her and loving her more, he’s made comments a handful of times how she’s more loved than him or he will say how he’s the bad kid and she’s the good one.
I have tried to explain until I am blue in the face why xyz plays out. we have talked about these feelings in therapy and I try every day to go out of my way to make sure to check in with him and make sure I’m telling him I love him and giving him chances to build upward but it really makes my stomach want to drop out.
The most common thread to this is video games. He very often gets I’m trouble for being too loud, gets told to take a break or is grounded for the day or sometimes the week, and it’s always over fighting and arguing and being extremely rude. I will tell him you aren’t having a good time (though his favorite activity is arguing so in fact he probably is) and you aren’t letting anyone else have a good time, the whole house feels tension and toxic because you’re words and we gotta chill it. Meanwhile Sister is great with video games, I could probably count on one hand how many times shes gotten in trouble. she makes friends, she plays without complaining, she laughs and has a good time. He does not see it as fair play.
He had to take a break from playing in the pool yesterday because he kept jumping on other kids to the point everyone was truly over it and he was immediately questioning why she didn’t have to as well but those were not choices she was making. Watching a movie and he will start talking the entire time or bouncing off the walls and me or dad will have to say hey buddy let’s go do something else because this activity is not going well but he will be upset she gets to stay on the couch and watch the movie that he suddenly is so angry about missing out on. He points out she never gets told to be quieter and he’s not wrong but shes soft spoken and usually quiet as a mouse so if anything we usually have to ask her to be louder.
Mornings Are not our strong suit and it’s not my best parenting. Shoes are one of the banes of my existence… he has his very own shoe rack, a place for his shoes in every room of the house and yet they are always lost and he will throw an uproar when you point out they wouldn’t be if he’d put them in their spot because he doesn’t “like” that. Why does no one every yell and complain at Sister over her shoes he will ask and will be told because her shoes are always at the rack by the door unless she’s taken them off in the bathroom then they’re on the rack in there. They each have to do their morning routines before they get their phone and she will just go do it and gets to have her phone unlocked while he’s still struggling to get ready and then is worse because he sees it as unfair she’s on her phone. Or gets to turn the tv on or whatever the case may be. All the logic about how we got here doesn’t matter, he sees it how he sees it and is going to complain.
This weekend she earned an extra $50 for helping clean our deck. He was offered the same if he helped, repeatedly gave opportunities, gave him a list of things he could do and he repeatedly said he didn’t care about it and didn’t want to do it. It’s not in his normal chores so k didn’t make a big deal and sister helped instead. He didn’t care until she got paid for it and then here he was crying injustice.
I could give endless examples but I’m sure the point has been made. I don’t like him seeing it as love is not being in trouble or having resentment toward us and sister but it just doesn’t seem to wanna click of how it’s choices and behaviors not something more heartbreaking than that.