Coming around the bend on my CA
Chairs everyone!
I’ve spent maybe my whole adult life teetering between functioning and crippling alcoholism.
I’ve had my years of sobriety and I’ve had many, MANY years I don’t recall.
Genetics & all that, when I was young & dumb I vowed to not be like my dad and not let alcohol control anything in my life. Wishful thinking, obviously.
Everyone has a reason why they drink and I’ve never dealt with my reasons until recently. My father was a “provider” but he drank so much he ended up abusing me. Then my brother (also CA) started abusing me.
When I get sober I have to face those problems head on. I have to concoct a reason why I don’t talk to my family.
It’s easier to say when I’m drunk. The men in my family abuse the women, sexually. Idk if I’m breaking the rules by saying this.
I was abused before the age of 5, it didn’t stop til I was at least 13. That’s a lot of formative years. My father and my brother weren’t always drunks. They were always abusers though.
This is my last night (hopefully) being a CA. I just wanted to shout into the void that the reasons I am the way I am weren’t always my fault. There’s an action and a reaction to everything anyone’s been through. I’ve got to start holding myself accountable for how I handle my past.
Shots of crown royal to all of you, chairs.