u/Hypatia_wannabe

I have now been happily married for decades, but, my wedding was anything but traumatic.

For MANY reasons - and here is just one of them...

I like understated things, and our wedding was a civil one, done at the City Hall with a Justice of Peace, so, I had selected an understated dress. My style, anyways - I love that dress.

Still a wedding dress, but understated and elegant. It had a V-neck opening, and even thought the dress itself was modest, I splurged (my own money, dress and all) on some antique lace to cover the depth of the V-neck and carried the rest of the lace onto my custom hair-piece (hat with a symbolic veil attached, the lace went around the brim) to create the look I truly loved.

My mother did not like my dress. She said it was too plain and looked like a cheap tablecloth...

...so, she did what she told me all good mothers do, and bought me another wedding dress.

It was her style - not mine. All frills and ruffles and cheap material trying hard and failing.

Plus, it was her size: 'I had to try it on to see how it looked!'

Perhaps this is the time to mention I am about 3" taller than my mother and have quite wide shoulders, while she is delicately petite...so, even were I to give in on the style, the dress simply did not fit me.

I rejected her dress - pointing out I had one, professionally altered with the antique lace I loved - but, nothing I said would quell her anger.

Finally, she said that 'she had bought that dress to be worn at my wedding' and if I was not going to wear it, she would.

And, she did.

OK - this dates back a long time, but, I am still wondering if I was the Abutt...

I was in University (paying my own way - though dad helped with the textbook cost - going decades back) when my cousin moved in with us.

100% my idea - she was living in a severely abusive household and, since I was about 5 years old, I remember placing myself between her and her mother (hitting her with my 5-year-old fists) to stop her physically abusing my cousin. Yes, she was older than I, but, I was always her protector. So, when I strongly urged my parents to take her in when she became of age and help her get proper education, my parents agreed.

Aside: when she moved in, I told her to pick 50% of my clothes - her choice - and they were hers. Yes, I lived at my parent's home rent-free, but, I paid my own way for almost everything else, including food, clothes etc.

What I was not ready for was how my mother and my cousin would form a 'mean girls' clique against me...

I had saved for 5 months to buy 'the latest' and most fashionable suit. It was lilac-coloured with contrasting threads running through it, wide pants (as was the high fashion then), lined and tailored, and a jacket that was, well, height of fashion then and very flattering on me.

The suit was special - I wanted to wear it (at least, for the first time), to a special event (and one was coming up - I was very excited).

My mother had 'borrowed' the suit to wear herself - then, tossed the 'dry-clean-only' pants into the washer and dryer - before my 'event'.

They came out predictably shrunken. After the washer/dryer, the pants came up to the middle of my calves. I was devastated!

My mother - much shorter than I am - could still wear them...and she explained to me that she did me a favour by shrinking the pants because they were too big to start off with...and I was too cowed by her and my cousin's united front to say anything. So, I wrote the pants off...

There was still the jacket!

I loved it and wore it - but, without asking permission, so did my mother and cousin. This was not something my parents bought for me - it was several hundred dollar jacket (back decade ago) that they would simply take and wear it as if it were communal property (despite my protests, which were always punished).

When I got married and was moving out, I tried to take my jacket with me. I mean, I had paid for it, so it was mine, and I could take it with me, right?

No.

Not as such.

My mother and cousin started verbally abusing me when I tried to take it, menacingly advancing towards me, and eventually coming up with this: 'There are three of us who wear this jacket and you are one, we are two so we outvote you. You cannot take it with you.'

I must admit, I was quite frightened of them. Yes, I left the blazer behind.

Am I the Ahole for wanting to take my blazer with me when I moved out?

Am I the Ahole for giving in to the abuse and leaving the blazer to to them?