I (28F) can’t stand my best friend’s (35F) fiancé (32M). How do I continue in the friendship?
I (28F) have a friend (35F) that I work with. I would consider her my best friend and we’ve known each other for about 4 years. I also work with her fiancé (32M) but not as closely. When they got engaged, she asked me to be her bridesmaid.
A little backstory on them. They have been together for about 10 years. Nobody ever thought he would propose to her. All she’s ever wanted was to get married. They both have decided to not have children, although I suspect (through convos we’ve had) that she’s agreeing to not have kids for him. She is very kind and mothers him. From my observation, he is very selfish and immature. She would pack his lunch for him and he’d scold her in front of us for how she “didn’t properly close the ziplock bag”. He is also very controlling. He can be pretty mean and doesn’t like when you give it back to him (we’ve gotten into it a few times but I don’t back down). They recently got a puppy (she’s always wanted one and he finally agreed). She is always complaining that he’s not helpful, he constantly argues with her about the dog and says he’s miserable at home. I’m very confused as to why she wants to marry this man and why she hasn’t left him already.
So here’s my dilemma: I have grown to absolutely hate the guy. His presence makes me want to claw my eyes out. Partly because he thinks he’s God’s greatest gift, partly because I find him annoying and partly because I know all the “behind the scenes” of his relationship with my best friend. Even though he is rude to her oftentimes in front of coworkers “jokingly”. But she’s my best friend. I enjoy being around her. Recently I’ve found myself getting more annoyed with my best friend. Ive been trying to help her workout to lose weight for the wedding and her fiancé will start fights with her about working out. It seems like he doesn’t want her going to the gym when it “inconveniences” him? (I guess he’d have to get up to take care of the dog). So she bails on me last minute and says it’s because the fiancé is mad and picking a fight. So now I’m getting upset with my best friend and I don’t know what to do. I’m sure it’ll be hard for me to hide my true feelings but I don’t want to say the wrong thing (I can be very harsh and blunt). How do I tell her (gently please lol) that she’s being controlled by her fiancé, she going to lose friends because he’s not allowing her to live her life and maybe she should reconsider marriage….?
TLDR; I absolutely despise my best friend’s fiancé. He’s controlling her, causing tension between our friendship. I’m genuinely concerned that she’s making a mistake. How do I tell her my thoughts without ruining our friendship?
Edit: I should also add that even though he doesn’t want her going to the gym, he goes every single day for an hour or two at a time.