Stress from work made me relapse
Sorry I had to vent a little
I’ve had this job for about 9 months, and for the most part, I enjoy it. I try to act as the “lead” in my section by making sure everyone is doing okay since it’s such a physical job. I make sure people take their breaks, and if I can tell someone doesn’t have the energy to do something, I’ll step in and help. I do this because I know supervisors have to focus on other parts of the building, so I try to make things easier for them while also making sure my coworkers aren’t being worked to death. In my mind, all I ask for in return is a little respect, but yesterday it felt like my hard work was just being taken advantage of.
My section doesn’t take up the entire shift, so during the last couple of hours supervisors usually send us somewhere else. Seniority is a huge thing at this job, and out of the group of 10 people, I’m second in seniority. The supervisor came straight to me first and told me I was being sent to a section I hate working in because it’s another heavy physical area, and I was already exhausted. I politely asked if there were any other options, and his response was basically, “No, you don’t get an option. You’re going there.”
It really bothered me when there were lower-seniority workers who had only clocked in about an hour earlier while I had already been working for over 5 hours. When I first started this job, I constantly got the short end of the stick, and honestly, I know I got picked because I work hard and will get the job done efficiently. I don’t mind helping out when they genuinely need help and struggling to get something finished on time. But if I’m already drained after working hard in the heat and ask if there’s something else I can do for the day, I feel like that should at least be considered instead of getting hit with a “life isn’t fair” response.
I eventually went where I was told, but things only got more frustrating from there. The floor was soaking wet, and another supervisor just told me to throw cardboard over it. Then a coworker tried to make me do something that was technically his responsibility and got mad when I refused because I was trying to finish my own work.
Thankfully, my workplace has a union, so I talked to them about everything that happened. They were pissed at the supervisors and said they would handle it, which honestly made me feel a lot better.
When I got home, I vented to my mom because I needed someone to talk to who would understand and support my decision. Instead, my mom told me I shouldn’t have spoken to the union and should’ve just done whatever the supervisors said. That response really upset me. I couldn’t stop replaying the whole situation in my head. It’s hard not to feel defeated when you work as hard as you can and still end up feeling completely devalued. I think this was the first time I’ve ever felt the urge to SH because of stress and not just depression. I already felt disrespected and undervalued at work, and then I came home only to feel judged for standing up for myself. I unfortunately got my blade and had to SH. I’m really trying not to make SH a stress reliever and I’m disappointed that I had to.