My (33M) online gaming duo said she (26F) doesn't want romance
Hi everyone,
I am not exactly sure what to do with my current online situation with this woman I met online through gaming. We live in the same country but very far apart. I'll admit the situation is a bit peculiar and I apologize in advance because I have a lot to write.
Essentially we have met about 3 months ago through an online game, and quickly added each other on Discord on the same day. We chatted a few times in-game and on Discord in the beginning, but nothing was really going on between us.
Maybe 3 weeks after, we got to a point in the online game where we could play together a lot, and we did, to the point where we started playing every day for hours on end whenever we weren't working or doing other activities. We'd also be on Discord at the same time and we've become inseperable. The game also has a marriage system in it, and even though we were just friends, we decided to marry our characters together and we've been treating each other as if we were hubby and wifey (mostly in a cute/sweet way, but still acting as good friends outside of the game).
Fast forward to 3 months later, we are still a gaming duo, playing together every single day, even on different online games, and she still introduces me as her hubby to her other friends she had known for a while and that I have met over time.
I don't usually do long distance, I have done it once many years ago and it ended badly. I went into this gaming duo thing with no real expectations but I have caught myself lately developping some feelings for her. However, she does not see things the same way that I do. She has mentionned before that she's had a bad experience with a stalker online in the past, and that for her, gaming and dating is completely seperate. Even if we have been talking and playing everyday, to her I am still just an online friend. Because of this, I never really had the intention to tell her how I felt, even though it is difficult to keep inside at times.
Today however, in one of our conversations, she misunderstood something I said (I was talking about someone else but she thought I was talking about myself), and assumed I was telling her that I had romantic feelings for her. She said something along the lines of: "I do like you and play with you, but I don't want the relationship to really go beyond that. I like the friendship, but I'm not interested in romance".
I was a bit speechless for a second because I was not expecting her to say that, especially since I wasn't talking about us at all. Before I could clear up the misunderstanding she said something along the lines of: "Then again I never really do romance, my only experience of romance is from anime or games, so I might misinterpret things"
Hearing that really hurt and even though it is the truth, I quickly cleared up the misunderstanding without admitting to her how I felt and we kept the original conversation going casually even though it was a bit awkward at first. And we do plan to keep on gaming as usual.
Now my dilemma: I do not know if she said that because she is not interested in me personally, or is it just a general thing where she doesn't want to date anyone at all. I am just assuming it is me specifically, even though she wants to spend every second she can with me, and even added later that when it comes to games with couple systems, she wants it to be with me. We have also joked about how we would be as parents if we had kids together, asked each other what kind of partner we are looking for, how many kids we want, etc.
My problem right now though is I know if I keep playing with her, my feelings for her will keep growing, and it'll hurt even more. Usually I would cut my losses and move on, but she is a genuinely kind person, and the original intent for us was to simply be a gaming duo, and she has trouble finding people who like to play the same games as her in the same way she does. I'd feel awful if I hurt her by leaving or ruining what we had. It's not her fault. But if I don't leave, I am the one that will eventually suffer.
This was maybe more of a venting session but I genuinely do not know what to do. I tend to be a people pleaser, and I have a hard time choosing myself over her. She is supposed to move closer to me in a few months (still far but only a few hours away by car, not a huge deal). For a time, I thought maybe it would have been a good opportunity for us to have a closer friendship/relationship, but I do not see that being possible anymore.
What would you do in this situation? Unless there are better solutions, I feel like I either have to stop talking to her, or just suffer in silence from not having my feelings being reciprocated. At this current time, I feel like telling her how I feel (unless it's because I plan on leaving), would be pointless.
Thank you for reading
TLDR:
I have an online gaming duo with a woman where we play together every single day. We like to be a pair in games where there's couple/relationship system. I developped feelings after 3 months. She has revealed to me she is not interested in romance (through a misunderstanding where she thought I was confessing to her).
I assume her disinterest is with me specifically and not a general thing. However, I haven't officially told her how I feel but now I feel hurt and think I should leave, but also don't want to hurt her by ruining the gaming duo because she wants to keep playing with me and for us to be an online "couple".