u/IAmViktorious

Ive recently been struggling more and more and crutches alone wont help me anymore on very bad days. I have chronic fatigue and muscle weakness so i cant really use a manual chair as that requires upper body strength and a lot of effort. Another problem, I'm a broke college student with unsupportive parents and a life full of medical neglect. The medical system is famously slow, but I need some help NOW. Any recommendations for a cheap powerchair that works just for now? I would prefer something foldable so it can fit in my car. I dont need anything too fancy, I just want something that can get me from point A to point B instead of being bedbound

I cannot stand apologies. Unless it is something massive and I expect an apology, I feel like I'm being guilt tripped. Like you've upset me and now I have to assure you that its fine? Because if I don't then *I'm* the asshole. I have no clue how to respond to an apology because of this. It irritates me so much. I can only assume this is tied to my NPD at least partially, with the belief I'm being guilt tripped and worrying about how others view me too much to accept an apology like a normal person. I almost never *want* to accept an apology, but I will be viewed worse if I don't. How do I even begin to navigate this???

My cg is great and i love him a lot, but I struggle a lot to believe he actually wants to care for me. Thats no fault of him, he tells me often that he enjoys caring for me. I just cant believe him?? I feel like a burden and im scared to be emotional (which ironically makes me more emotional). I had a bad experience with a past cg and i have parental trauma (shocking ik) where i was neglected so im sure thats why, but man. I would like to be able to believe im worth caring for. Theres also this disconnect with me not being a cg and not being able to fully understand that experience. I actually deeply dislike the idea of caregiving and could not do it so its hard to imagine someone WANTING to do that and not just doing it because they have to?? Feelings are complicated eugh

This is just kind of me thinking out loud so apologies if this isnt very put together and very stream of consciousness, but something ive noticed in myself is that I do crave attention, validation, admiration, etc, and yet when I recieve it I believe theyre lying to me. I want that recognition, but its never enough. And then i feel worse and my self esteem gets worse and i start doing more to attention seek and get more validation. I can see all the dots here, but I cant fully connect them. Is this a common experience amongst those with NPD?

So im an involuntary regressor. And I'm a little concerned because I haven't been able to stay an adult for an entire day. And I've started to be regressed most of the day. This has been going on since June. Ive had this happen to be before for like a week, but NEVER this long. Should I be concerned?? I dont know if theres much I can do about it, I mean I'm not able to control when I regress

Ive been shoved into one of the worst depressive episodes Ive had in a while. I regress involuntarily as well. My cg recently became my cg *right* before I got really bad. So now my brains making me go in and out of regression every single day to cope with the severe depression and I have needed my cg constantly. I didn't expect this to happen when I initially asked him to be my cg. And I doubt this is what he had in mind. I feel like such a burden on him. He reassures me that its okay and this is what cgs are for, but man. I really wish I could function like a normal person

I'm told this is a common cycle with us, but I'm struggling to find anything that isn't "narcissistic abuse" bs and is actually talking about it in a productive way. Information is greatly appreciated

Edit: Is this synonymous with "splitting?"

Edit 2: Replies have been very helpful! Thank you guys

What kind of subtle gear can I bring? What can I use to hide my less subtle gear (pacis and maybe a sippy cup/bottle)? I have a room to myself, but share a bathroom with 3 others and share everything else. Any good water bottles that are cute and similar to sippy cups, but easy to clean? Any college life tips for regressors are welcome, I'm gonna need it 💔

I assume a lot of us don't feel guilt, at least not in the typical way. What kinds of feelings stir up for you instead of guilt? If any at all? I feel no remorse, but I feel fear and embarrassment. Its more about how people perceive me post action rather than anything else. Its not like I feel in my heart that what I'm doing is wrong, I'm mostly afraid of what people will think/do because of it

So I used to have a cg. There was a whole situation where she lied to me about not being into some weird stuff and she started arguing her interesting opinions on the age of consent so I no longer have a cg. I haven't spoken to her in ~7 months and I grieve that friendship and connection I had with her. Especially when I'm little, I find myself crying out for her

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Well, now I have a friend I've gotten really close with in the last 2 years, even more so within the last year. He's a flip and fully aware of my regression. I've been regressing more often recently and I've been around him more recently and thats started developing into a similar feeling I had with my old cg. When little I'm craving attention from him, wanting to be around him constantly, attaching myself to objects that remind me of him like plushies, overall finding comfort in him when I regress. If I regress super young, I find myself referring to him with titles like "dada" in my head before shaking it off because he's not my cg

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I have no idea if I should rip the bandaid off and just ask him to be my cg or leave it be and see if the feelings go away. I'm worried that second option isn't possible because I tried that with my old cg and eventually I gave up and asked and she became "mama" outside of just my head

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(Ps sorry if this is a bunch of word vomit. Im writing this as streams of consciousness)

My long time friend doesn't believe I have NPD. Whenever it is brought up, she goes silent and leaves the conversation. She doesn't do this with any other personality disorder. If I'm talking about BPD stigma or ASPD stigma, she'll chime in. If I'm talking about NPD stigma, she leaves until the conversation is over. She's spoken to my friends behind my back about how she doesnt believe I have it. She calls my symptom tracking "just confirmation bias" as if I just use it to validate myself when what its actually for is to be able to accurately tell a psychiatrist what I've been experiencing since I can struggle with wording things in the moment or recalling events. And she knows that. I've told her that. She doesn't act like this with anything else either. She fully believes I have CPTSD, but NPD is off the table?? It frustrates me to no end. It makes me feel as if she sees narcissists as monsters and if she thinks that, then *I* feel like more of a monster. Instead of supporting me with my symptoms and the stigma they come with, she turns a blind eye. It makes me so angry. It also makes me mad that she thinks I'm dumb enough that I won't notice her pulling this bs? Like yeah I notice you leave everytime and yeah the people you're speaking to about me do actually support me and will tell me what you said

So i got these very cute little bow pacis that i want to modify. The brand is itzy ritzy and its very different from most other baby pacis ive seen, making modifying it a lot harder for me. The standard orthodontic size 6 paci teat does not fit on it since it needs a smaller and more rounded part at the opening. Does anyone know what replacement teat might work for it?