Can someone become less sexual once a relationship feels emotionally safe?
So I (28m) have been seeing this girl (25f) since the beggining of the year. We clicked very quickly and especially sexually. We had similar interests and both a pretty high libido, it was new to me to be with a partner as interested in sex as I can be.
Then a few weeks in, one morning she suddenly became hyper-focused on my flaws and emotionally pulled away. All of a sudden, she wasnt that interested in me or in sex anymore. She's seeing a therapist that helped her through, I also helped her a bit (mostly by talking, and by accepting it and waiting to see what was next). What we understood is that she realised how much she cared about us, that scared her so much that her brain tried to protect her by shutting everything down. She endured some really rough relationships, where some exes did nlt respect her consent, some abused her verbally and made her feel less than unworthy.. she has some trauma and she's doing her best. I'm trying to be as patient and kind as possible, especially sexually where we are teaching her to say no, safe words etc.
To add some context, she said when we first made love that she only rarely did it that way. She told me pretty early that "making love" and "fucking" was the same to her, she then learned the difference.
So we're back into a really cool and loving relationship. Except, our sex life hasnt been the same. Before the shutoff she used to be into BDSM stuff, pretty submissive, wanting it very often (multiple times a day), talking about it, and initiating. When she talks about her past experiences I dont recognize her actual self. I'm jealous because I'd love to have these experiences with her. Sometimes my insecurities make me feel like I’m the only partner with whom she can’t access that side of herself anymore.
We end up not initiating a lot, she's a bit stressed because she feels like it both feels good that way but something is lacking, she wants to enjoy this side of sex again, she says she misses it.
I'm wondering if it's a problem, if I am, if I'm frustrated or if I, too, have to look at my relationship with sex in a different way.
Has anyone experienced a partner becoming less sexual once the relationship became emotionally safe and serious? Can trauma and emotional attachment change sexual expression that much ?