was i groomed? or what was that
sorry if there’s too many details, i’m very confused, and i have disgusting flashbacks of all things that i sent
it happened when i was like 10 or 11, i don’t remember, parent didn’t spend time with me, so i spend it all in my phone.
I discovered anonymous chat rooms
and started talking to people. Most likely because I was craving attention, I started chatting with all sorts of people there—mostly older guys on purpose (I lied and said I was 13, and talked to guys between 15 and 26, I don’t remember exactly).
At some point, I started noticing more and more people asking for SOME inappropriate photos, and I decided to agree—I was little naive girl. At first, I sent harmless photos, but then I started moving on to more filthy ones, and in return, I heard love, compliments, praise, and attention.
after I really turned 13, I stop chatting there.
On one hand, I understand that this was grooming, and that my sense of guilt “Damn it, I agreed to it all by myself” doesn’t make sense, since an 11 year old child (or even a 13 y.o, which is who I was pretending to be) can’t give consent to ANYONE for something like that. But I still feel guilty, and like, I agreed to it myself and did it of my own free will.
my friend told me that everything is not “not THAT bad” (how i’m using to think now), and:
—“that’s why you always want to be a little weak girl, that’s why you want attention from older guys, that it’s all because your family and especially father absents”—
No, I have a dad, but not emotionally he’s always working, and my mom is a nervous bitch who’s practically openly jealous of me, because of youth.
I’m 15 now, turning 16 in December, and I still feel like shit even after almost 5 years. In June, I’m going to see a psychologist about my depression, but I’m not sure if I want to tell him about all this, since I’m not sure how serious it really is