Jojo
I'm still not the man I need me to be. The one you always knew I could be, I'm getting closer, but will that matter by the time I do. I hope you've moved on, I hope you're doing well. I know the world is heavy right now, you've lost so much, been through so much. I'm sorry i couldn't be there for all of it sorry I needed this space to find myself and I do every day. I just wish I could've done it for you, but that wasn't working for either of us. I wish I could've shared my whole self with you, been fully present with you, I do wish I'd tried harder but I still know I couldn't have given you what you needed as that man. So I grow alone, and in the silence the stillness and the loneliness I find more and more of who I am. Every day I grow more and more into the man who could've shouldered the burden with you but I still have a lot more to go. I hope some day we meet as the people we always wanted to be and if we can't be together as them, maybe we can still close the distance between us. I think neither of us could avoid falling in love again were that the case, but maybe as healthier versions it's possible. If not here then in another life, because I know my soul will always love yours. After all this time apart I know that will never change. Still I'll treasure our decade more than any other forever.
Until then. I'm here and I still care about you. I'll always love you because of your brilliant mind and beautiful heart but most importantly just because you're you. Perfect and porcelain.