I (M34) feel my partner (M31) doesn't take anything seriously and resents that I do
I'm really confused and honestly tired of circling back to the same discussions.
I'm the breadwinner and he's currently unemployed, that is making things a little bit difficult, we just moved in together and at first I thought him being enthusiastic about our life together was a good thing but now I'm finding very difficult having to plan, explain, and take on everything myself because he's just ridding the wave and going on vibes.
He not bringing money is not the problem, it is him assuming having no income means he doesn't need to worry about our situation.
He wants a dog, not a stray he wants to buy an expensive brand of dog because it's his dream dog. I'm against it for several reasons but every reason I give, from the dog's health, lack of space, monetary concerns is met with a "but look at him" and if I get mad because I'm setting a boundary suddenly I'm a monster who hates animals.
He wants to buy expensive products because they're "better", I'm not against it, but i often have to stop him as he is pushing our budget and gets mad and tells me I don't have to keep reminding him he doesn't have a job.
I was talking to him about a personal concern I have with a friend and he outright told me I was over reacting and that it wasn't that deep just to change the subject about how he loves Mario party and it's the best game ever.
Today I really felt bad but also I feel I have a right on saying what products we should buy or not, I told him that we should change his coffee capsules (worst humankind invention btw) to other brand because I refuse to keep funding certain companies that lobby for atrocities abroad just for him to tell me I was overreacting and was just coffee and that he wants THAT coffee.
Talking seriously I fear being accused of financial violence if I refuse to buy it, because he keeps saying I'm taking life too seriously and that I'm overreacting but I'm really resenting working all day and having no say on how the money I provide is used against my wishes
Every time I want to talk about serious topics he first try to deflect and de-escalate making jokes and saying everything will work out but if I press on he gets mad and defensive on how I'm being over the top and a killjoy, calling me a 'whiny bitch' and insisting it's in a playful way and I'm the one giving life too much importance
I don't resent him for not having a job, his field is not very well right now and I make enough for the house to start afloat but I'm starting to feel like a parent more than a husband and that's stressing me out
Am I exaggerating?
How can I safely approach adult conversations with someone that resorts to calling me a "whiny bitch" or telling me "I can't understand your barking" and then act like it's a normal and playful way of dismissing my concerns?