u/IMmense_world

After reading the comments and messages, I have to say that, while I felt sadness knowing that so many people found themselves stuck in the same place as me, I also found something else.

I think that even though I was not looking for a solution to my problem, seeing your ideas, experiences, and genuine support made me feel better. After that, I decided to be honest with my family about how I feel, not to tell them that I was giving up, but because I genuinely felt that in this loneliness, I was not alone. While my loved ones were worried about the situation, they also made it clear to me that if I need more support from them, of course I will have it.

This will not be the end of this story, because it is clear that I still have not solved the original problem, but I am genuinely grateful to those who took the time to read me. I suppose that between this feeling of gratitude and the weight that has been lifted from me, I also think I will look for a way to approach the university and see if I can do something to help, because I genuinely believe I owe something to others, and perhaps in some way I can prevent someone else from going through this.

Thank you very much to everyone.

Before starting I must clarify that this is my personal experience.
I feel brutally alone, I have been here for almost a year and not a week goes by in which I do not cry because of the horrifying feeling I am living through.
Before continuing my studies here, I was considered a highly sociable and cheerful person, every place I moved to I ended up making friends and lasting connections quickly, I found fascination in the city around me, interesting topics of conversation, but above all I was never alone.
As I already mentioned I have been here for almost a year, in that time I have not managed to make real friends, because they do not talk to me unless I do it first, I have not connected with any club (in fact it depresses me even more to attend) and I no longer know what to do. I spend my Fridays walking through the city surrendered to the idea of this solitary confinement and the sad thing is that even on the other side of the world I have friends/family who do talk to me.
I do not know if it is a cultural issue or maybe something is wrong with me, but I do not fit in and I feel that people here are fake or plastic, nothing feels genuine and everyone acts as if that is normal, I know I am weird because I have interests very strongly marked by nature, science and art, with my friends in my home country I never ran out of things to talk about, but here I can count on the fingers of one hand the times I have had relevant conversations.
The university feels cold, without a real union or community to integrate into, the professors do not seem interested in teaching, this brings me to my next point; Not only have I lost my social spark, I have also become academically/workwise demotivated, because nothing seems to matter to them here, I am passionate about what I do and watching professors and students do things without heart ended up breaking me, I no longer put as much effort into my assignments, because I feel that I am just another number, that my words are not heard or relevant.
I sought help with the university because it seemed logical to me that in these situations I also need someone who understands the environment in which I now live, but the help was just as disappointing, I ended up leaving the university on read because in one session I ended up worse than when I arrived. Maybe it was my fault, I do not consider myself closed off, but maybe it is just that I come from a place where life is lived at maximum intensity, where kindness is something of every day, like people saying good morning to everyone they cross paths with in the street and a world which does not have everything, but with very little we make everyone feel at home.
I write this not as a complaint or search for a solution, because I am far from solving this loneliness and resigned I am to finish my studies even if that implies continuing to suffer in silence. The only thing I want is that if someone is reading this and is barely beginning to feel this way or living something similar, they find the way to not end up like me, because I can confirm that before my eyes the worst decision of my adult life was this.