I just want to share my struggles but not with people I know irl
I’m so tired of myself and how I look. Sure people do compliment me but it just feels so forced when they do it. I’ve tried to improve my looks this summer by going to the gym, dieting and learning how to do make up (unfortunately my mom doesn’t let me wear a lot of it). I see a difference on the scale but I still hate my body. I look at myself in the mirror and I see a fat and disgusting girl. I try to find something that I like about myself or appearance and I just can’t because I see a flaw in everything. These past few weeks I didn’t go to the gym since my membership expired and didn’t have enough money. I’m still so desperate to lose weight I started >!throwing up the food after eating it!< . And I lost weight but I still can’t see a change I hate my body and my face just as much.
I also want to feel loved. I’ve never got the “butterflies in my stomach” when seeing anyone. I mean I can look at someone and say they are attractive but I don’t fall in love with them. I talk to guys and girls all the time but I see them all as friends. I want someone to describe how they feel when they love someone or how do they realize they are in love. I really want to understand it and maybe it will help.
I’m confused about my own brain and my thoughts sometimes