Giving 50k to my mother isn't "enough" anymore, but I have a baby coming. Need boundary advice.
need strategic advice on navigating Pakistani family dynamics (khidmat) versus building my own financial independence.
The Situation:
- Income: Currently PKR 216k (moving to 280k next month).
- Savings: Only PKR 30k (after 4 years in tech).
- Big Change: Got married recently; my wife is pregnant and expecting our first baby this September.
- Fixed Expenses: City living costs (59k), Committee/Chit Fund (50k), Insurance (11k).
The Family Dynamic: My parents are financially comfortable. My father covers all major household expenses/groceries, and my mother also earns. They don’t need my money to survive.
However, before marriage, I used to give my mother half my salary. This month, after Eid expenses, my account hit zero. I still managed to give her PKR 50k, but she told me it’s "not enough." Meanwhile, my father is pushing me to hand over my entire salary to him and just "ask him for money whenever I need it."
The Dilemma: I love my parents deeply, but I cannot live paycheck to paycheck with a baby on the way. I need to aggressively save for September medical costs and build an emergency fund. I want to cap my mother's contribution at a fixed PKR 40k/month and keep my upcoming raise completely private so I can retain my autonomy.
- How do I gracefully shift my mother to a capped monthly amount without looking like the "rebellious son who changed after marriage"?
- What scripts or tactful deflections can I use to decline my father's offer to hold my money for me without causing emotional heartbreak?