u/I_sort_of_love_it

The connection we have is deep. Otherworldly. I looked for you on here for a long while. Too afraid of what I felt was not real... But more afraid that it was. I searched through these letters. The longings of so many hearts and so many souls wanting a glimpse into the mind of their counterparts.

It was... comforting? So many others carrying on in life and wanting to be seen and heard. Is this the deepest longing of our soul? For a mirror to be presented and we see our exact reflection? We see it and we accept it. We love it and we say I get you. I see you. What an amazing gift!! To see the darkest parts of ourselves in another and hold them in a space of no judgement. That feels like love.

What is love? Is it what you do for me? What I give to you? Is it sacrifice? Is it self-preservation so no one can hurt us? Is it an early morning with your favorite cup of coffee with your favorite human? Is it a huge fight where you think all is lost and someone looks you in the eyes and says they still care? Is it a meal given to a homeless person on the street? Is it rescuing an animal from the shelter? Is it watching a butterfly and taking a deep sigh at the beauty of its journey? Is it laughing? Is it reconnecting with your best friend and eating dinner so late that the waiter is annoyed that they just can't close out their table? Is it pausing a moment so ducks can cross the street?

Yes, it's everything.

It's also when you tell me that I mean a lot to you and comfort me in the way I move throughout the world. It's in the way that we have a mutual understanding of each other's quirks and appreciate them. It's in the way that you see me without needing to explain. You see my heart behind everything. You're the only one that has offered me unconditional love just based on who I am. And not what I do.

You are love. Thank you.

Do you think it's possible in all of our intricacies and layers that anyone can see the totality of another's soul?

I've played many roles in this life and I play them well. I have found ways to clumsily navigate a large number of social situations and friendships. Each person I've met gets a select piece...a fragment. Never the whole of me. For years I claimed it was impossible for these incomplete connections to be any different. I also obtained a small piece of their soul (or mask?) Everyone showed me a partial representation of themselves of their choosing. A few braver ones showed a little more. All of us out there living our lives and trading our puzzle pieces to other humans trying to awkwardly jam them together and hope for a match. Sometimes it's close. Sometimes it looks like a perfect fit and only a tiny bit will be off. Those people still serve a role, for even a close match is better than an entirely wrong puzzle. Close matches are my treasured close friends. They still come with work and communication misunderstandings, but they stick by instead of completely throwing their hands in the air and moving on. I'm grateful for them.

Is it possible for someone to be so closely aligned that it's, dare I say, easy?? Easy is not a word I would use to describe much of my life. So many hardships and fighting to be heard and seen. Over-explaining myself to make sure every last bit is completely understood so someone can get me. So no one can throw accusations at me. Somehow, it's all still lost in the fray. Brain spirals to make sure I've analyzed every last bit of something to not appear incompetent or weird.

It's as if I've spent a lifetime screaming underwater. People see you if you're lucky and might hear some of your gurgling as you're trying not to drown. Mostly they ignore or awkwardly look away. They don't really care. And if they do, they make sure you're exactly what THEY need. So this becomes the pattern. Stay small. Survive. Survival is better than nothing right?

I don't even know how you did it. I can't look back to a definable moment other then connecting eyes. I've tried. You graciously offered me a life jacket and didn't make me feel bad about it. You never judged and only cared. Your tenderness showed a lifetime of pain as well. You were forged through the fire and on the other side you never wanted another soul to hurt. You made space for the unconventional. The awkward. You welcomed it, actually. I would say things and brace myself to be rejected, but that never came. You gently held that mirror up to me and we saw the same reflection. A complete puzzle. Not similar. Same.

Although we are very different people in this life, our soul energies aligned and there was a deeeeep sigh of relief. Did you feel it too? There you are old soul. Old friend. I wonder what our story was in a past life together, because nothing else makes sense. Were we just friends? Lovers? Were you my teacher? Maybe we were family. One day I hope I'll find the answers to everything my heart silently asks, yet feels it's always known. An ancient knowing hidden way down in the deepest, dusty corners, that I'm only just now learning how to access. In the meantime, thank you for finding me again. I've been waiting for a really long time. I've been waiting for my easy fit. I've been waiting for you, because in you I found me. I am free.