u/Iamahumanbeeing

TL;DR: My 50/50 cofounder handles development and finances; I handle strategy, design and marketing. I lack financial visibility, which recently caused planning issues. After spending some time this week communicating, I thought we’d resolved things, but he’s now questioning his sacrifices and our partnership because of the burden of explaining things.

The context

We’ve worked together for years and are building an ambitious deep-tech startup with a 50/50 split.

I handle strategy, design, marketing, investors and user testing. He’s a full-stack engineer managing development and finances.

He also runs two businesses established to fund our startup. I helped establish them, but he eventually took over while I focused on our company. My work and future depend on their operations, yet I have little financial visibility. I’ve repeatedly offered to help, but he wants me focused on our startup.

He’s exceptionally capable, works incredibly hard, and I recognise his sacrifices. My concern isn’t his competence, but understanding the financial variable affecting our main company.

What happened

Recently, a project I’d organised materials and external collaborators for was cancelled because we couldn’t afford it. He’d mentioned financial difficulties, but I hadn’t understood their severity. He insists he’d communicated this, but we clearly weren’t aligned. In my opinion this was no one’s fault but a fault of the communication.

We subsequently spent 3ish hours discussing the finances over the past week. He was frustrated explaining things, but I was genuinely grateful and then was happy we were finally on the same page. Those conversations gave me the information I needed to understand our constraints, make informed decisions and plan my work, rather than simply making me feel better.

However, today he’s still upset about those conversations and questioning whether our partnership is worth his sacrifices, despite me thinking we’d resolved things, because he had to communicate what’s happening in more detail and answer my questions. I realise now that while I felt we’d resolved the financial misunderstanding, he clearly didn’t feel we’d resolved the underlying communication issue.

The communication conflict

My background is in creative production, where collaboration and understanding the variables affecting a project are essential.

He works differently. He says he’s communicating to his “absolute maximum” and prefers executing without explaining, citing successful solo projects where communication wasn’t necessary.

From his perspective, he’s already working at maximum capacity, and explaining things takes time and mental energy away from earning money and executing our plans. I recognise how exhausting that must be.

But we’re building a complex deep-tech company together. I don’t need every technical detail, just financial visibility and strategic alignment. As what happens on his side influences my work too.

For example, he’s complained about me contacting him while working on one of the businesses. I deliberately avoided weekends, unaware he now also works on it during weekdays. He’d never told me this. To me, this illustrates why communication matters.

The actual time involved

I wanted to make a calculation of time spent because I was confused by how much of a burden and impact on execution the time spent was:

Over eight months, we’ve spent approximately 10-15 hours discussing finances (not just shared work).
Of 5,840 total hours, subtracting seven hours of daily sleep and 2-4 hours of personal time leaves 3,163-3,650 available work hours.
That’s 0.27-0.47% of available working time.

I understand cognitive exhaustion isn’t proportional to time spent, but how has small amount of time spent brought us to questioning our partnership? Especially when it’s been beneficial for me which means beneficial for the company?

Where we stand

Today, he questioned whether he should continue sacrificing financial opportunities to build something together when he has to explain things which obstructs execution, and whether I’d make the same sacrifices.
I was shocked.

Of course I would. We’ve supported each other’s ventures for years and share a long-term vision. I trust him enormously and see communication as part of building our company together, not a meaningless personal sacrifice.

Am I unreasonable for expecting transparency and strategic alignment?
How do other founders balance communication with execution?
How can we resolve this?

I’m genuinely open to opposing perspectives. Thank you.

I’ve had a repeated pattern appear throughout my life where people get close to me, benefit from my presence, are grateful for it, and then leave. I don’t understand why, it’s hurtful and now infuriating.

Recently I had a close friendship with someone for over a year and a half. I supported him through a lot, gave him time, care, loyalty, emotional energy, and welcomed him into parts of my life. He later told me his life had changed, that he’d found clarity and purpose, and that I was responsible for changing his life. I told him I was merely a small catalyst and this was always within him. Then suddenly he distanced himself over the past few weeks, and yesterday called and said we should go our separate ways because it “felt right in his heart”. There was no other explanation, he didn’t seem saddened by it, just “it felt right, sorry”.

This is not the first time something like this has happened. People have told me things like “you changed my life” or “you inspired me to find myself”, often when I wasn’t even consciously trying to help them. I was just being myself. Or they’d ask me for advice and I’d give it - always operating from love. Even in normal friendships, people seem to gain something from being around me, then later leave..

What is the meaning of this? I’m always trying to be good, I’m always trying to operate from love, I always genuinely wish the best of others - why the fuck does this keep happening???

If there was a reason, like “you’re selfish” or “you’re mean” then it makes sense, I have to look inwards and grow - but there’s NEVER a reason. It’s just ghosted, or “it feels right”. Wtf? I ask them, WHAT DID I DO, and it’s always something personal to them or they don’t respond.

I’m not good to people just so I can get something back. That has never been the point. But after this happening repeatedly, I’m struggling with the whole idea of “good karma”. If you keep giving loyalty, care, belief, support, and energy, but keep being left with pain, what is the actual value of being good or having relationships?

Does karma have any real algorithmic basis? Does goodness actually return somehow, or is that just something people say??

I’ve been struggling for the past few years and life isn’t great at the moment. I keep trying to be good, to not retaliate, to accept things maturely… but at a certain point, where is the return? Where is the good karma people talk about?

WHY does this keep happening to me??? How can you be grateful for someone supposedly “changing your life” while simultaneously leaving them? How are people so selfish and disloyal? I don’t understand? I would really appreciate any insights. Thank you.

EDIT: Thank you to all the wonderful souls who responded to my post, I am eternally grateful. Many insights have given me great peace and directions to reflect on. I wrote this post, as well as some of the responses, from a place of hurt - asking, why don’t I receive the same support from others? Yet, here I am with this post, receiving a world of support from fellow humans around the world. What a blessing, thank you everyone once again.