Why do my hobbies always feel attacked
I’m 28M and I love my partner dearly, but I’m starting to feel like parts of myself are disappearing in this relationship.
I’m not formally diagnosed autistic, but I show a hell of a lot of traits and tend to be very literal/routine based.
I work long night shifts(the solitude is bliss), recently passed my driving test, and I’ve realised I’ve slowly stopped doing a lot of things I enjoy because it causes tension. Gaming makes her feel neglected and unwanted, seeing friends makes her paranoid, and I stopped training Muay Thai because every time I did there would be some kind of issue afterwards.
Even smaller things become problems. If I watch lore videos about Dark Souls/FromSoftware games or any challenge tuns for these games, share music I’ve made, or try to bring her into my interests and “my space,” she often acts irritated or complains about it. I’ve started feeling like I can’t openly love or enjoy the things I’m passionate about because eventually it turns into an argument about how I only care about myself.
She says she’s never directly stopped me doing these things, but whenever I do them she becomes moody, upset, or says I’m not prioritising her enough. Eventually I just stop doing things “to save the peace.”
I genuinely can’t tell anymore if I’m selfish and emotionally unavailable, or if I’m slowly losing myself trying to keep the relationship stable.