Monolids
Hi I just wanted to vent about something and also get some advice as this is something that is really weighing on me and I'm honestly bothered and don't know what to do.
Growing up in America, I've always known that my monolids set me apart in some way. I was never the same as my white peers, and my monolids emphasized that. I've always had body image issues, whether it was something about my weight, my face, etc. For a period of time, I was overweight and then lost 40 pounds, and from then I gained a lot of confidence and this experience bled into other parts of my looks and helped me feel more confident about being asian and having monolids in some way. Recently, I've been really confident about my looks, as I learned how to wear lashes and do my makeup and hair well, I've had a lot of boys approach me, and I have a steady friend group of girls that are a lot cooler than I would think I am, which I've never had before. I also won class president, so I've been feeling pretty confident as you can imagine.
However, I guess this newfound confidence kind of covered up unaddressed insecurities that i'm unable to change, like being asian in a predominantly white community and specifically having monolids. Today, my family was talking about appearances for some reason, and my brother decided to point out that I have small eyes. This already made me kind of irritated, cus like yeah i have small eyes but you don't gotta point it out. Like we're asian what else do you want me to do lmao. But then, my mom brought up that my cousin is getting double eyelid surgery, and that I could too if I wanted and that they "make it look very natural in Korea." This made me absolutely lose my shit. I said "why would you say that to me" and went to my room and deadass cried for 5 hours straight. I guess I never really realized how much being asian and having monolids, especially in a white community, has affected me. I feel so insecure now about my monolids I want to scrap my eyelids off and just hide under a rock. I've never felt more insecure and ashamed of my looks before, and I genuinely dont know what to do. Should I just get the surgery in Korea so this whole thing can just be over with? I feel like such a loser for letting this affect me so much, and i have so many other things to worry about, but I just can't move on. Pls help
