I (33M) feel that my wife (35F) has the emotional maturity of a teenager and I am beginning to run out of patience for it. Sorry in advance if my post is too ranty, I don't do this often..
TLDR: My wife (35F) get incredibly defensive and argumentative any time she is confronted with a choice she has made that could be perceived as "wrong" even if the situation isn't a black and white, right or wrong situation. I have matured during our relationship and I feel that she hasn't and at this point I have to assume there's no hope of breaking down those walls in her mind but seeking advice from others that have experience with a partner who has similar personality tendencies.
I (33M) feel that my wife (35F) has the same emotional maturity that she had when we met and I’m looking for some serious advice about this because this woman is the love of my life but I hate feeling this way and curious if anyone has ever broken through the wall of these issues or if I need to find a way to deal with this because she’s never changing. The main issue at play here is that my wife is incredibly defensive about anything and everything she does that’s “wrong” even if it’s not a clear right or wrong situation she is very quick to anger and turn the story around on me or whoever in her life for that matter without ever ownership of her actions. Beyond our issues she also has no relationship with her sister, her father and barely one with her mother. Admittedly these folks all have some serious mental baggage as well and while my wife is a common denominator, she’s just a not the as all three of these family members don’t speak to each other either. Story time below if you're interested in some examples:
Last Night: We are hanging out in the basement, (we have our video game set ups and our movie room and all this in the basement at our house and often is where my wife and I spend our evenings after the kids go to bed to watch TV, movies, or play games whether together or separately) and she comes to me acting flirty. Awesome right? Things start heating up and I lay her down to do my side of the "other area kissing" (if you catch my drift) and after 10 or so minutes her train reaches the station and she kindly begins to return the favor. Within a minute or two she kind of stops and is just sloshing it, I ask if she's okay and she is clearly startled, she was asleep. period, no question she fell asleep doing that. So I say hey babe let's go to bed. Boom she is pissed that I am "quitting" I tell her that no I just don't feel comfortable continuing because you're clearly tired and so am I for that matter so let's go to bed. This instigated a 20 minute argument because she was adamant that she didn't fall asleep and what about me, I feel asleep getting affection under the belt a few months ago, etc. etc. Never once could she just say "Yeah I am super tired, I dozed off, let's finish this tomorrow" so we go to bed at this point I'm so pissed I can't fall asleep for over an hour, she passes out in 2 minutes because she definitely wasn't tired, definitely didn't fall asleep during relations and without question has no remorse for the way she behaved in that moment after I dared to suggest she did something "wrong" which to be completely clear, I don't mind that she fell asleep, I mind very much the reaction afterwards.
There are countless other examples and range from simple things like last night and some incredibly serious that have left mental scars that she's completely oblivious to. I have even had to try to forgive an affair that I have more than enough evidence to support happened but she would never ever considering admitting what she did much less apologize. So with story time over, do I have any hope of breaking through this wall or do I need to just accept what I have and work on myself so that I can better process this?