pls let me vent i wish to give up
i am so tired and scared all the time i hate everything i am a dropper who got 80%ile only because my computer broke down ofc i had not prepared the best but my score was suppose to be higher idk why does a single day have so much impact in my life i was such a good kid now all i am reduced to is one rank thats it not a single college anywhere in this country care for the impact i made for eg: i made a working prototype of fixing delhi's air pollution
an ai driven detection for skin cancer
prototype for converting energy from waste(from ghazirpur landfills)
raised 1 lakh for underpriveledged kids
became the head girl
when everyone advised me not to take pcmb i took it because i felt intrested and keen and i did fucking great
but all of this all of this is worthless today i feel my brain just vanishes every time i am trying to learn i am not improving and i dont see myself getting in bits i wish i kept learning/studying because i loved learning and not to so i could get certain marks i hope somewhere my passion was valued i really wish somebody saw me for me not for my rank i wish my parents were rich so i could leave this country i wish i did not stop painting or listening/making music making movies i wish to be more than this number i hate everything i am so hopeless i am scared to dream i dont ever want to dream i failed n thats all i feel worthless/wasteful today idk what to even do
(sorry to anyone who feels this is bullshit i just needed to get this off my chest)
