u/Icy-Independence218

I'm just tired of having to be pulled into this nonsense about having demons bothering me and whatnot. I was gonna get rid of my scrupulosity but I was told to go into fasting or prayer, that some demons only go away by that method.

And what's more is that I somewhat thought about and even attempted to give up deliberately. Without my scrupulosity leading me, I was SO eager yesterday to do good and I was happy. I haven't felt this in such a long time.

I have a history of telling God and His Spirit to leave, maybe not forever but because for the longest time, I was under the belief that this voice in my head WAS God, even though it didn't show the fruits of the Spirit. It wasn't just once either.

I just don't know. It never ends. I can let go of scrupulosity entirely, but there's this guidance every now and then that I think does help me keep the Commandments, so I really **can't** let go. This makes me think I have His Spirit but then I'm reminded of my past actions (of telling Him to leave).

I try to do good and I'm told I have demons, so I have no choice but to run back to prayer, which in the past has made me have several mental health problems. Even the attempts I do to solve this are extremely difficult.

I could very well be screwed because of what I did today. I'm just tired of being dragged into this.

I apologize for sounding this way but I just don't understand why. So many people proclaim that being a Christian is about loving God and loving thy neighbor as myself. That it's not about what I do but what Jesus did.

So why do people proclaim this but when I go to prayer, I have this need to get rid of something. I haven't prayed in weeks and I prayed for help today and I was just met w/ some nonsense about cutting something else off. It's been like this since the beginning, it's always, cut something off first, love people later.

I can already feel like I just pissed off the Lord for going to you guys and by not "trusting Him" and cutting off what I felt I should have.

Suppose I'm watching YouTube and I see someone who is showing good character traits, it could be anything. From helping out people, to living their life in solitude and being at peace, to being empathetic. All GOOD qualities to have.

Would I be idolizing someone if I choose to replicate their qualities so that I can do the same and become a greater person?

I ask because I have scrupulosity. So for almost every thing I do, I have a small doubt or fear deep down telling me it's sinful. I wouldn't be copying their person entirely, just any characteristic traits. It'd be no different than me going online and seeking advice.

It would help tremendously in my case. Socializing isn't my strong suit and I want to help be there for someone, but I just suck at doing so.