Feeling like I'm making no progress
Greetings,
I come to this sub to share my experience with therapy with you and hopefully get more insight into the situation.
I (M27) started seeing a therapist since october 2025, at first once a week, then once every two weeks (we're around the 16th session together now), to treat my tendencies of constant self-depreciation, pessimism, intrusive thoughts, anxiety crisis, SH history and suicidal thoughts (thus, the 18+ flair).
The reason I'm posting here today is because I feel like I'm making no progress what-so-ever regarding treating my mental health, and am wondering if it has something to do with my approach.
I prepared a small notebook before tackling these sessions, and would always wait at least one day before writting down on paper a quick summary of the latest session, noting the key subjects I talked about with my therapist. The first sessions were obviously more about them "getting to know me" (upbringing, childhood, studies, work, etc). We then talked about the subject of the intrusive/automatic thoughts.
At one point, I've let them know I was taking notes about our sessions and they encouraged me to also note any intrusive thoughts I may have during my daily life, then come up with some sort of alternative thoughts to counter them.
Noting the intrusive thoughts was an easy enough task, naturally. But I was completely unable to come up with alternative ones, and openly admitted it in our next sessions, so they suggested dropping this idea.
Skip to today where I've felt lost for the last 4 or 5 sessions. Usually, it'll go like this :
- They first ask me how I feel and if there is a subject in particular I want to discuss.
- I usually try starting the session by doing a summary of the previous one and suggest to build up from there (not sure if I'm doing the right thing here).
- I will mostly expose my "narrative" and they will challenge a thought process here and there. Sometimes, I'm able to clarify my point while other times, I simply cannot find the words and they will have to find a way to make us move forward or tackle the problem from a different angle.
- Before I know it, an hour has passed and either of us will suggest stopping for the day.
The reason of my frustration today is that I always exit the room feeling like I wasted my time and was not able to communicate effectively / actually express my feelings, thoughts and fears. And start feeling anxious and having new crisis the same day or the next.
TL;DR1: I don't think my therapist the problem here, I believe something is wrong with my ways somehow.
TL;DR2: about the SH part, I stopped doing that before going to therapy. With work life starting, I somehow stopped doing it for fear of being found out.
TL;DR3: When re-reading myself, I feel like I'm terrible at describing events, so sorry if by the end you guys feel lost reading me.