Feeling stuck in marriage M32 F31
My wife (31F) and I (32M) got married 6 months ago (known each other for 1 year before marriage) and it seems like we are fighting since forever.
This is going to be a long post so please bear with me.
I met my wife using a matrimonial app. After a good first date, we found out that we want to settle in different locations. I saw this as something which has no future, so I stopped contacting her post the date. She called me a few days later out of the blue and said she missed me a lot and wanted to see if we can work something out. I ended up agreeing to the location she wants to settle in.
We went on another date, where after a good time she said I'm kanjoos because I said my cab fare of Rs800 was expensive. On top of that she accused me of being with her only because I wanted to get physical with her (We had hugged and kissed on the cheeks, nothing more. And everything was consensual, nothing was forced). She also said that I don't know how to treat a woman (she wanted a bouquet of roses, but I said it's something I give when I truly feel the person is right for me, so I will definitely not give roses on the 2nd date. I need more time for it). I felt that she questioned my character and called me names for no reason so I told her this isn't healthy and I don't want to do this anymore. She quickly realised her mistake and apologized heavily and told me not to break up with her, which I agreed to (I feel that was a big mistake).
Fast forward a month later, she's pressing me to gift her something. She compared me with other guys and said other guys are giving their wives/gf a phone, diamond or gold. I told her not to compare me with other people as it's toxic. She understood but continued pressing me to gift her something otherwise she would become all sappy on calls. I told her I need my time to gift her something, it's not that I don't want to gift her stuff. Fast forward, I bought her an iPhone 16 Pro as a surprise a month later. She was quite happy and said she's sorry that she pressed me so much to buy her a gift, told me she'll learn to be patient.
My brother and his wife invited us to their place for lunch as things progressed further. Post the meet she accused me of having an affair with my bhabie (WTF) because we shook hands and I spoke good things about her. I ended up having a big fight with her because of that and had to show her my WhatsApp chat to make her believe I'm not having any affair. I wanted to break up with her again but she begged me not to. Her hatred for my bhabie kept growing on after that though. She reacts strongly whenever her name is mentioned. She once mentioned that she hated her.
She also makes it a point to express her disinterest in visiting my brother's place. She has also unnecessarily said a few mean things about my brother, the latest one was yesterday which has affected me a lot. I have told her multiple times not to speak bad about them without any reason, but she keeps doing that. Mind you, my brother and his wife have gifted her gold earrings for the wedding and have been nice to her only.
She also doesn't like dogs and has a problem when I pet my brother's black lab. She doesn't like when the dog jumps on me or licks me. She gets jealous and tells me that only she has access to my upper body. She also makes me shower before I hug her. More recently she used to object me liking dog reels too, which was so ridiculous. I lashed out at her saying that I love dogs and will like as many dog reels as I want.
I feel she has many expectations which I fulfill. I go out of my comfort zone and do it for her. I learnt to make tea for her everyday even though I don't drink tea. She doesn't like to hold stuff when we are out, asks me for princess treatment so I don't let her hold stuff. She likes gifts and surprises.. I do my best to provide that to her. Apart from this, I take care of the kitchen and other household chores as she has hybrid work culture and has to go to office 3 times a week.
On the other hand, I don't have any particular liking for gifts or surprises. She does buy me clothes and other material stuff for which I'm alright even if she doesn't buy. One thing I had asked her for was to make me delicacies that we usually make during festivals at home (I miss home made delicacies so I asked her to make and told her I'll help her in making it), but she very strongly said that she isn't interested in all that and won't do it. I have made her some dishes in the past so this was quite hurtful.
I feel it's very unfair.. plus the constant fighting is affecting my physical and mental health. I really feel like taking a divorce but she always says she'll hurt herself or kill herself if I leave her. And yes, in each and every fight she'll cry and act as if she's the victim.