(UT) Roommate threatening to move out because I asked her to clean
Hello everyone, this post has been a long time coming. I have never wanted to post about this because I’ve been rooming with my close childhood best friend for the past 4 years but yesterday I cut her off. Just a warning this post is a doozy and a long one. For a little bit of preface we’re the same age except she’s a year older than me. We also live in the state of Utah (idk if that will help with the legal side of things). But I genuinely need somebody’s help because my mental health and quality of life just cannot handle living with her anymore.
So we just moved from a 3 bedroom to a 2 bedroom last month in June because one of our roommates didn’t want to room with us anymore (more on that later). The rent is a couple hundred more than it was at the last place and my room and closet is much smaller than it was at the apartment than we were at before. When I asked her to please pay more rent than me (she has the master bedroom and covered parking space) she got defensive but she did agree to pay a small amount more but still is only paying $50 more than me for a much bigger room than me (imagine going from a regular size bedroom to a bedroom that would probably be meant for a child). So whatever right? I try to just move on because the move was already stressful enough I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was. I still think she should pay more but it feels useless to talk to her about it because she’s so defensive. The first couple of weeks our new apartment of course is messy with boxes and things but by the time I’m writing this post I’ve completely unpacked almost everything in my room and have gotten it out of the way of the main area. As of right now there are still boxes and bins in our living room that do not belong to me that are in the way of walking around freely in our living room and kitchen area.
Okay so let’s get onto the personal things that have been happening. So my roommate is basically having, in my opinion, a mental health crisis right now. I have tried to be there for her and be a supportive friend but I drew the line yesterday because I felt like her problems were becoming mine and I really don’t need anything else on my plate right now. I work full time at a retirement home and I go to night school after work so I’m sure those who have done that also can understand why I’m conserving my time and energy. Ever since we have moved into this new apartment her drinking has gotten so bad. She always usually would drink before our move but she has had so much going on lately I feel like she’s using it to cope with everything and it’s really hard to watch. She always makes light of her drinking problem and will say “it’s not a problem yet so I’m fine” but she’s completely oblivious to how much it really is a problem. She has told me a couple of times now that she has driven herself home being drunk, drunk so bad she would say she was amazed she got home safely. For a little bit of context: I am a pretty sober/light drinker not only because of medication I am taking but also because I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father with Bipolar. So you can maybe see and understand how uncomfortable this kind of behavior is to me. A couple of weeks ago this drinking problem got even worse because of her boyfriend breaking up with her. She’s been leaving out shot glasses and bottles of alcohol in the middle of the coffee table and kitchen counter. I have seen her finish almost 3 bottles of liquor and entire cases of drinks completely to herself within the span of only a week. Along with all of this drinking, her anger issues are in full gear right now. She has an adorable cat and he will meow at her when she gets home as cats do, and I can hear it all the way across the house when she is yelling at him to shut up and go away. I’ve also heard her multiple times punching her dresser and her walls in her room and yelling and then she makes it a point to show me the bruises on her hands when she is done punching things in her room. I hate to say it but it honestly freaks me out a lot and is pretty triggering to past trauma.
So you’re probably wondering after reading that what happened for me to fully cut her off. On Thursday night my boyfriend stopped by for an hour as he was on his way to his friend’s house. He told me he only had an hour to see me because he was going camping with his friends in the morning so he had to be up early. We walked into the house and I was so embarrassed to be met with complete filth. Me and my boyfriend spent almost the whole time we were supposed to spend together cleaning my apartment. We are having issues with fruit flies and ants in our kitchen right now which is why it’s important to keep up with cleaning around the house as much as we possibly can. This has been a problem not just recently, I’ve had issues with her being uncooperative to help clean around the apartment for years now but this is the worst I have ever seen it. Her cat’s litter box is in our kitchen and kitty litter and poop were on the kitchen floor that I had to sweep up. I also needed to use my dryer to clean my clothes and her blankets in the dryer so I had to move them on top of my own things. She has a habit of doing this almost every time she uses my dryer and I don’t mind asking her to move it but it’s definitely inconvenient and disrespectful especially since the washer and dryer in our apartment belongs to me. I had some dirty dishes in the sink that I cleaned and got out of the way but I had been waiting for her to unload the clean dishes but they weren’t yet so I had to put all of them away myself too. I don’t really mind doing dishes and actually enjoy doing them but the past 4 batches of dishes I have had to completely take care of by myself because she never unloaded the dishes.
Yesterday when I was at work I sent her a long text (in the pictures, I’m blue texts) asking her very nicely, in my opinion, that I really need her help around the house because I was overwhelmed taking care of her chores on top of cleaning up after myself. Her response was super hostile and completely lacks any accountability or self awareness, in my opinion. She basically threatened to move out on me and told me it’s my responsibility to find a new roommate and that she wants to buy out of the lease. I had to block her at the end of our conversation because I know her and I know talking to her is like arguing with a toddler. Her narcissistic behavior will never allow me to voice anything about my boundaries or needs and I will constantly remain in the wrong. I’d really like to hear what your opinions are on the situation but honestly, I know I don’t deserve this. I’ve told this situation to multiple friends who also know her and they all agree that she is in the wrong. If me needing a clean and safe environment to live and have my belongings be at then idk what to say. Also remember the roommate I mentioned at the beginning that moved out and is the reason we moved to another apartment? I asked her for her side of the story because I’d only heard my current roommates side of the story. She also told me that she couldn’t handle the disrespectful behavior and filth that my roommate is constantly leaving behind her. She also expressed concern about her unstable behavior starting to affect her mental health.
So now that I’ve thrown up all of that for you (if you stuck by I really appreciate you) I’m finally bringing this to the eyes of redditors because I’m honestly just scared. I’m scared to be at home and I feel unsafe or like my belongings aren’t safe either. I’m also very scared because I’m very much so on the smaller income side of things. If my roommate wants to move out and buy out the lease, the leasing office told me it would be around $4,450 which I definitely do not have anything even close to that right now. So I’m asking for help and wondering what my options are? We just signed a 12 month lease. My apartment told me that someone else can move in under her name, or we can buy out the lease. What would you do in my situation? If you read this far I really appreciate you so much and I’ll be forever grateful for any and all advice because I’m very afraid and unsure of my future right now.