Do you actually need close friendships in life?
Context:
So I'm about to turn 20, and I have been looking back at all of my close friendships so far, which is fewer than 5.
Since I rarely meet someone new (both online and offline), I can become quite obsessed with every relationship I have. I'm fine with having colleague-type relationship, because I can act docile around people I don't know, but when I do become friends with someone, I start to have this 'love hate' relationship with them. They have started distancing themselves from me after months or years.
Because of that 'love hate', I sometimes say rude things or act rude, or show what I want from them more obviously as I get more comfortable. It started from respect, and then, as I grow closer to them, my respect drops, and sometime I either hate them or really, really like them, I did have crushes on like more than half of my close friends, and it turns into a situationship sometimes, it's exhausting on occasion but that is not what this is about.
My respect drops because they stopped aligning with my values, and with one very close friend, I feel like they don't really respect me based on the stuff they have said in recent years. It could just be in my head. But they are not bad people in general, so I could be nitpicky. At the same time, I still need them because I have no choice. Well not really, I do have a choice, but it's hard for me to make new friends that turns to close friends.
I look at my dad, who seems to be really content with his relationships. My mom died when I was 14 and he is not really interested in having another relationship. With his friends, he speaks to them like 1 time per 1-3 months, and he meets new ppl through playing tennis. But he does exhibit narcissist traits. Overall, he's not really interested in having friendships/relationships, and I wonder how much did he influenced me.
I then asked myself: If I was rich, and didn't have to care about money, would I still care about my friendships?
No, not really? I think? I feel like I need to network with people, I need to have relationships in order to survive, and that's what mom's family side always told me and that's how they do things as well. So my close friendships feels like I'm using all of them. They don't owe me anything and I don't owe them anything, but I feel like I get more out of them and I think I have these friendships, just in case I need them for some specific stuff.
If I had money I would just buy a small house with large land near nature and I can entertain myself pretty well. Or I would just travel with my family. And my business overall does fulfill the top of the needs hierarchy, but not the safety one yet. And that's where things kinda fall apart, I think.
Questions:
Since I don't have many friendships, and I can become obsessed with each person I know, I wonder how does a healthy close friendship looks like? Should I just have casual friendships for my own sake in order not to become obsessive? Should I have colleague relationships only? Can a human be okay with casual friendships? Is it necessary to have close friendships?
I don't know why I'm not feeling fulfilled in the 'connection with other people part' of my life, whether it's because of money, the nature of my friendships, or just who I am. So I am open to others perspective on this.