how do i stop feeling so unlovable?
hello! i’m a black albino girl i’m 19 if that matters
excuse any typos im crying as i write this ig this is a rant as well im sorry if its not the prettiest
i was severely bullied almost all my life for my condition but it’s eased up a lot these past few years. i’ll meet an asshole every once in a while but finally i’m in spaces where people treat me like human being and where i can walk into a room without feeling so judged
but all of it still haunts me so much and im not sure what to do… everyone i know is in relationships and hook ups and whatnot and it might sound dramatic but i just don’t feel like i’ll ever have anything of that sort because of how i look and my disability. like no guy would ever want a girl that looks like me and no one would especially choose to put up with the accommodation aspect of being with me like having to drive, not being able to go on dates or hang out outside at all, helping me if there’s a step or a branch (or watch me bump into it or trip all day 😅) i can’t even hold eye contact bc of my nystagmus and strabismus, if we were to buy a house i wouldn’t even want ceiling lights etc
i just always feel like id never truly be chosen compared to the average not visually impaired non albino women it just feels like a competition i’ll always lose in and it makes so sad. they’re conventional looking they don’t come with extra “labor” of needing help to navigate the world, they look flawless and not awkward always squinting, with their eyes shaking, and hunched forward trying to look at something through their phone or a magnifying glass all day. when thinking of their dream person no guy would imagine anything remotely similar to me especially being black i’m like the exact opposite colors a black girl even is. maybe a lot of it is just the horrible things ive been told about myself echoing in my mind all these years later but i just feel so unlovable and uncomfortable in my own skin and it just keeps eating at me. i feel so less than so broken all the fuckingv time
and it’s not even just that. my anxiety is through the roof my paranoiia through the roof i just imagine him being embarrassed of me or his dfriends making fun of him for wanting someone like me behind my back or his family judging him. i just feel like no one would ever care to ever understand and actually accept me i feel i’ll always be seen as a like a circus freak or something
i guess i just wanted to ask how everyone here holds up dating wise or if anyone has overcome something like this. i just feel like i live in constant embarrassment of myself and don’t know how to suck it up and stop.
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